Rejection

I went on a date today. It was everything a first date should be. He bought me coffee and I savored it's coco-nutty richness as I listened to him talk about his family and their game nights. I laughed at his jokes - even the ones that weren't funny. I opened up just enough to be interesting and he wanted to hear more. We visited quaint little stores and laughed at the crazy things people call art. We strolled down the streets of downtown Greenville, me in my bright yellow pants and adorable Sperry rainboots and him in his collared shirt and jeans. I with my imperfections and him with his. And I had a good time.

The most mortifying thing would have been to feel like he did not enjoy himself with me. The most awful feeling after such a great date would be rejection.

Yet, in a surprising turn of events, he didn't reject me. In fact, he asked to buy my dinner. I declined. I had a lot of homework.

He later texted me and asked if he could see more of me. I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. He then asked if he could call me regularly and get to know me better.

I felt sick. He had driven an hour and half from Georgia to see me. He was willing to do it again and again. I felt sick because he was so sweet but I wasn't into him that way. It's not that he was bad looking. I couldn't put my finger on it. But I just didn't feel a peace about dragging him through a relationship that I didn't see going anywhere. I've done that to guys before purely because I want to be in a relationship and not because I was trying to be malicious.

I recognize that I can't be picky forever. I recognize that I'm getting older. But I also recognize that it is unfair to date someone "just because" when my heart is somewhere else.

So I did the kindest thing I could - I thanked him for the evening but told him that I didn't think we were a match. I feel sick because he was so sweet and I am so undeserving.

Rejection is never easy.