Monday, March 17, 2008

She Makes Us Wear Her Colors

Pinning the sky in place, a brilliance of red-white-and-blue is on the bridge above where I exit to get to work. Since my car takes the ramp that circles in a U around it, every morning and afternoon I see it from various angles, blending with beautiful every-day shades of sun. I can envision the tattered edges of that old American flag even now. The wind curls it into a crescent shape, and then spreads it smooth as silk along the line of the sky. Seeing it in the tired hours of the morning makes my heart swell and feel stronger somehow. When I feel like I am only one - working towards an endless cause as one meaningless bolt in the clock-work of America - one eye on that flag makes me want to stand straighter and work harder. I feel a part of something. I feel proud.

It inspires me to stir passion back up in the hearts of the average American people. Not just any old passion. A passion for America. Did I say politicians? No. Did I say Congress? No. Did I say the economy, or the court systems, or the media? No. I said America. She is always under our feet, regardless of the global warming terrors of the day. She will always have been founded the same way… one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
If America were a football team, would we all wear her colors? Would we cheer her on? I think we would. We would stand behind her no matter what the wins or losses, what players or coaches come and go, and what fans were sympathetic to our cause. We would fight - in and out of season. THAT is America. We work, we dispute, we love, we fight, but in the end we all live together.

Worth the Life


This is a true story.

Early summer came packed full of unpredictable Wisconsin weather, and children laughing on the school playground expecting Wisconsin’s best.

A young 13 year old girl slid down the slides, and then eagerly raced back up the gym to slide down again.

“Kimberly! Race ya!”

Kimberly, one of Jordan’s classmates, flew into action. In the endless way kids race, she slid down the slides after Jordan and then scurried just as quickly back to the same slide.
It was the last day of school, and Jordan’s school was spending it at the park, where children went crazy with the idea that they could no longer get in trouble. It was the typical end-of-the- year feel, and the teachers were on the watch for the little begin-the-summer-fights that could spring up without warning.

Kimberly stood behind Jordan, as they waited their turn in line.

“Come on, come on. Hurry up,” one kid urged.

Finally it was their turn, and Jordan flew down the slide, and tumbled to the ground.

Kimberly flew after her and stood easily.

“Come on, Jordan. Let’s go. Race ya.”

Jordan didn’t move. She lay face down, crumpled on the playground woodchips.

“Jordan?” Kimberly’s eyes widened. “ Teacher! Miss Gray! “

One of the teachers came from out of nowhere and said calmly, “What is it, Kimberly?”

Kim pointed to Jordan and said, “I think Jordan’s hurt. She won’t get up.”

The teacher gasped, hurrying over to Jordan’s side and flipped her over. Jordan’s face was turning blue. Shaking the girl, she yelled, “Someone call an ambulance!”. It was because she performed CPR constantly until the ambulance arrived, that Jordan lived.
-------------------------------------------------------

Pat helped her out of the car.
“Okay, one step at a time. We can take it slowly.”

The 17 year old girl tried to smile at her grandmother, and it warmed Pat’s heart to see the faint effort. Pat wasn’t talking to her grand daughter, Jordan, though. She was talking to her daughter-in-law, Deana, who was pushing her daughter, Jordan’s wheelchair. Jordan couldn’t walk. She hadn’t been able to ever since she collapsed on the school playground right after her 13th birthday.

It took them five minutes to maneuver the wheel chair safely to the ground, and they were breathing heavily by the time they did. Jordan wasn’t as light as she used to be.

Fifteen minutes later, they were in the house, after waving to the respective neighbors, and shutting the humid summer heat behind them.

Pat set down her keys and slipped from tennis shoes to slippers, as Deana began to loosen Jordan’s protective straps. Jordan’s head jerked from side to side and Deana wiped the drool from her chin. Once a normal little girl, Jordan’s brain damaging heart failure left her in a vegetative state. Her mother sometimes had to look very closely to see any of the old Jordan sparkle in her eyes.

Pat, known to kids around the neighborhood as Grandma Pat, knelt and smiled at Jordan. Jordan looked at her for a minute, her eyes finally rolling to a resting point. Suddenly Jordan smiled.

It wasn’t huge, and it wasn’t quite all of the old Jordan smile, but it was enough to make Pat stand and call Deana’s attention to it.
“Did you see that? Did you see Jordan smile?”

Little tears sparked in Deana’s eyes as she smiled with her hands on her hips and nodded.
“Okay, so I’ll come and pick her up around 6?”

Pat nodded at Deana with a smile. “Sounds good.”

As soon as Terry left, Pat began really talking to Jordan.
“You’re in there. You really are, aren’t you, Jordan? You know this is me. This is Grandma. Can you say, ‘Grandma’?”

These words were much like the ones the family had used, gathered around Jordan’s bed in ICU, where she stayed in a coma for over a year. Prayers were flown in from all over the country. Neighbors and friends came to visit her, some even singing her favorite childhood Bible songs to her. Her classmates at school, and her neighborhood friends, just couldn’t understand where Jordan had gone.

I remember watching my neighbors from my living room window, thinking as a thirteen year old who used to play dolls with Jordan, that maybe there was a key to unlock her and stimulate her back to a miraculous recovery. The faith I had that God could heal Jordan, I’m sure, made my parents struggle to come up with answers. I have no doubt that Jordan’s younger sister, Lauren, asked many of the same questions I wanted to ask.

“Will Jordan be coming back to school next year? Will Jordan and I still play dress-up at Grandma’s? What will happen to Jordan’s friends? Will Jordan still race me at the park? Can I still be the maid of honor at Jordan’s wedding?”

It’s been about 4 years now, since Jordan’s heart stopped and she was brought back to life by the steady CPR of one of her school teachers. Since that time, the family has stuck by Jordan’s side, paying endless medical bills, and battling to keep around-the-clock nurses employed who will care for Jordan.

Whether the hard work has been worth it, well, all it takes is for Pat to look in those dark eyes of Jordan and stroke her brown hair her from her forehead. The child is still in her, straining, but still smiling.

Sometimes things completely beyond our control spin dangerously out-of-control. Jordan had had a physical only a week before she dropped from (as the doctor’s have diagnosed) QT syndrome. That last physical before her fall had diagnosed her as a normal, healthy girl. There was no planning for what had happened, no predicting, no going back and changing. And really, there are no answers for why these things happen, except that God had a different plan in mind than man had.

Hundreds of families across the nation deal with special-needs children, many of them not asking for the hard task. But they stick to it, because it is worth it to see those simple smiles. They protect the innocent life of a child, not because they are perfect, but because even though they are not perfect, they are a part of them, and they still love them.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Speak Out Or Be A Liberal

Conservative talk-show hosts such as Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity have long been a controversial statement in the pre-established dogma of the media, and the undecided voice of the people. Hannity, often referred to as ‘a great American’, and Limbaugh, presented to his radio-audience as ‘Nobel-Peace-prize nominee’, are both very confident in the issues they discuss. They don’t hesitate to speak out on America’s declining politics, morals, and culture. As a result, they have made many devout friends, as well as many out-spoken enemies.

With dynamic voices that spread a revival of American values, each speak out and lead democrats and republicans alike down that indiscernible path of our future. Limbaugh often gives the impression of being cocky because of his unwavering position on issues that seem to pin-prick democrats in the most sensitive of places. Hannity has on more than one occasion expressed his inescapable human limitations, but urges America to become great despite all of us having those same limitations.

Indeed, they have both found a great voice all over the face of the American map, and in their own way, they lead America toward a better future. Truly, one cannot listen to them long enough, determined to make idiots out of them, before determining that they themselves are the idiots. Persuasive speaking, and idealistic values are something that any democrat should fear, lest they should listen and be overcome.

When one is a big name, and a big voice, one cannot avoid inevitable criticism. The fact that Limbaugh and Hannity can receive criticism from both their greatest enemies, and their most starry-eyed fans, and still be the same persons and say what they believe, is something to be admired. I cannot agree with everything they do, and I do not necessarily like them. But the fact that they stand and say it anyway demands my respect.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Cookin Hot


I have recently returned from traveling the icy roads of Minnesota. It would have been a dangerous affair, except for my capable brother-in-law at the wheel. Regardless, I am back safe and sound, and writing in my steady... yet unpredictable blog.
My next article of illumination? I thought of politics. You know, that whole sordid deal with Eliot Spitzer, and the "racist" hogwash going on about Obama? I guess Obama has a fanatical, racist 'pastor'. Then again, all commenters calling the pastor racist are being called racist. That's a good story, but I didn't feel like harping on that particular can of worms.
Thus, since I'm enjoying the peace and quiet (i.e. boredom) of a week off work, I am even more keen on the things of boredom that overwhelm us in this world. Yet, it is - here's my word - fascinating how even 'things of boredom' can become fun! I like to dabble in alot of things. Perhaps that means I have no strengths in one particular field of study. Or, perhaps it means I am better-versed to take on all the beguiling interests of this world. After all, isn't this old world just a bunch of people desperate to find their place in life? Some have found it. More yet are searching...searching. Still, you can have all the obligations in the world and still need... fulfillment. So I have it for you! (Thus my flippant 'article'.) Cooking! Ever tried it?

I was surprised to hear several men at my work swapping cooking/recipe ideas. I guess I'm one of those conventional women who get stuck in a kitchen and are then shocked to find out 'cooking from scratch' isn't a great phenomenon - even for men. I have been set right. I am now confident many of you will stir up and dish out these ooey-gooey cookies over the weekend. (If those of you from work will remember, I gave out these cookies for free one day. They didn't turn out so well that time, but incidently that's because I forgot the egg. Trust me, they are the height of simplicity and the aroma of them alone will melt seductively in your mouth).

Chewy Ginger Cookies

3/4 cup shortening

1-1/4 white sugar, divided

1 egg

1/4 cup molasses

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

K, you're going to want to whip that shortening and 1 cup of the sugar together into a creamy white substance (this can be done nicely with a blender) (or you can beat it like 132 times by hand). Then stir in your egg, molasses and vanilla; please mix well. In a separate bowl conjugate all dry ingredients; add those dry ingredients to your creamed mixture and mix it all together...well. Roll those babes into 1-in. balls; and roll those balls derisively in that remaining 1/4 cup sugar. Place the little sugar balls 1-1/2 in. apart on UNgreased baking sheets. Set your oven at 375 degrees. Feel confidence as you bake those cookies for 10 minutes (or until they are an irrisistable light brown). Being careful not to burn yourself (I recommend hot mitts), pull the cookies out and cool them on a wire rack. You should be able to get yourself a good 4 dozen cookies out of this, providing you scrape the bowl clean of dough.
I got this recipe from one of those great Taste of Home books, and I added a few of my own adjectives to make it a pinch less boring for you. The pictures shown on this blog were taken directly after I pulled the Andria-approved cookies from their burning abyss. Here's the official website if you want it. http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Chewy-Ginger-Cookies
Anyways, so that's my favorite cookie recipe. Remember, it's Andria-approved. Don't abuse it and give it to someone who won't cherish it and cook it forever and stuff like that.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Putting a new light on taking Pinhole-perfect pictures

Why are people in old black and white pictures never smiling?
Is it possible to make a camera out of a paint can?
Where did our modern-day photography begin?

Photography: (from the Greek) writing with light
I'm going to take you back in time. Hope you're okay with that. This is not going to be boring, but you have to hang with me closely. It's spring of 2007. My teacher just finished announcing that he will be requiring all of his students to complete a science project by the end of the year. He will allow us to partner up in groups of twos and threes. A couple of my girlfriends from school latch together, and I wheedle into the group as humble master-mind of the project. For our science project, we bounce around a few ideas, but the greatest idea of all sticks.

We're going to build a camera. At first, I thought - my but this will be a challenge! But I pictured myself rising to the occasion, and with the help of my ingenious partners, we would order all of the parts and piece together an awesome digital camera for all to be impressed by. (I should tell you now that each of us in turn were mechanically challenged by nature) My teacher seemed amused, and suggested the 'Pinhole Camera' as a better alternative. The words fell like sweet music on young ears. I had never heard of 'making a camera' out of a 'paint can, or oatmeal canister', and then developing the film into a negative. The whole idea sounded horribly unique, but - why not at least research the idea? We soon learned it was a simple enough process - one learned by patience, experience, and a good sense of humor.
We cleaned up a paint can, and that was our camera body. In my friends basement, one of us spray painted the can with flat black paint. That dried nicely. On the side opposite the lid of the can, my buddies drilled a quarter sized hole. My difficult job was to cut out a square from an aluminum pie-plate and pierce the middle through with a good-sized needle. That pie-plate hole was our 'pinhole'. We taped that pie plate behind the quarter size hole. In front of the hole, we taped black construction paper on with black duct tape. Ta-da! We were so proud of our camera!
The hard part came when we set up our 'dark room'. We used a back stairway in our school for our light-proof room. Our 'red light' was the EXIT sign that was above the door. We set up four pans for the developing process (which I'll explain later), and laid down garbage bags to protect the carpet. The only expense in the process was in buying 'Ilford RC Film Paper', and ’Developer’ and ‘Fixer'. The 'Ilford RC Film Paper' was taped inside the lid (opposite our pinhole) while we were in the dark room. It was very important that the film not be exposed to light until we were ready to take our picture. I should add, that we (the official amateurs) became 'friends' with a photo-shop man named Dirk, who walked us through much of our problems over the phone.

This is the paragraph where I explain why the film works. The film is made up of tiny light-sensitive particles, that creates a chemical record of the pattern of light when exposed to a real image. When light hit’s the film, it undergoes a chemical reaction. The spots that were hit by the sun, are made darker when they are developed. Developing this white film paper in a dark room, turns the film into a negative.
All right, so we had it all set up. The biggest question was 'will it work?'. We didn't expect much, because after all - it was just a paint can. But we thought it would be cool if we could prove all of our hard work to our friends with an actual print. Just one good picture. That was all we wanted. Our first picture was a close up of a flower.
That was our first mistake. Pinhole pictures are best taken of distant landscape, like a barn or a house. We also HELD the camera while we waited for the 30 seconds exposure time to be fulfilled. That was our second mistake. Humans naturally shake when they're trying to hold something perfectly still for 30 seconds. A pinhole camera needs to be carefully set on a stand, and the picture needs to be taken with your back facing away from the sun.
(this is not a pinhole pic. It was taken with my awesome KODAK digital)

When we barricaded ourselves in the dark room and developed that first picture (4 easy steps), we were distinctly disappointed to see little blots. Then, my friend started screaming with excitement. "I see a flower! I see a flower! See - those are the seeds... or the petals!" We all looked closer, analyzing the shapeless blobs. I said, "It looks like the fork I used to move it around left some dots. See?" We all had different opinions of what it was - but, clearly, it was nothing impressive - especially since we all had to interpret it. A picture should be clear and the details distinct.

Our disappointment only mounted through the following desperate attempts, and we soon learned that the dark room was the perfect place for heated conversations and misunderstandings. It wasn't until Dirk told me, "You guys are using a stand, right? A stand to put your camera on? Because it will not work without a still image and a still camera." I stumbled in answering that one, and decided that we would try to take a picture one last time. We must have looked an odd three-some, down by the road menacingly pointing a paint can on a stand at the world.
We went inside and shut the dark-room door firmly behind us. On the door was a note-book-paper sign with large lettering. 'Developing in process. Do not disturb - under any circumstances!' We were very serious about our developing process. There was nothing more annoying than a promising picture ruined by the opening of a door by a smiling curious peer.
Our eyes piercing through the dim red EXIT light, and our noses dulled by chemical fumes, we ran the picture through the Photographic development process.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Recipe for Developing
A dark room with red light
4 13x9 Pyrex Pans

(2 min.) In pan #1: ½ cup developer and one cup water
Actually a reducing agent, the developer changes silver ions into silver metal. The grains of particles on the film that have latent-image sites will develop more rapidly than the other particles.
(30 sec.) In pan #2: water
Here the water stops the developing process.

(2 min.) In pan #3: 1 cup fixer and 2 cups water
The fixer dissolves the silver-halide crystals and leaves only the silver metal behind.
(5 min.) In pan #4: water
All the chemical products are washed off, and the picture is ready to be dried.

Get a clothespin, and a hanger, and hang out your print to dry.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Even in the darkness, it was clear we had our first good picture. Our victorious screaming was unanimous. We could not believe the details that a paint can and a back stairway had produced!

After that successful print, we became very secretive toward our inquisitive peers, and enthusiastically threw ourselves into taking more pictures. Our excitement had been revived by success, and I must tell you, there was nothing more satisfying than watching the film develop before our eyes in our very own homemade studio!
We even posed for a picture and had a hapless friend 'open the shutter flap' (which was nothing more than a piece of black construction paper) and hold perfectly still for 30 seconds exposure time.
It was very difficult to hold our smiles still, and during the entire picture I hissed, "Don't laugh. Don't move. Don't breathe."
Later, I developed the negatives we had created into 'positives'. This I did through a great little shop called ArtsCameras Plus. (http://www.artscameras.com/) They sent two of those pictures off and called me when they were done.

















Over time, the pinhole camera became a dusty memory underneath my bed, along with our smudged prints. The upgraded paint can was very unhappy down there, I was certain, because when I pulled it out one summer day, it seemed to cling to me. I decided independantly to go purchase more chemicals on my own, and then take pictures of my own.
I clothed my bathroom window in black garbage bags, blocking out all light (my dark room). I took a flashlight and covered taped a scrap of red tissue paper on top of it (that became my red light). After purchasing liquid chemicals, I was ready. I dedicated a whole day to running in and out of my house, clutching a paint can and aiming it at curious objects. This kind of operation was repeated several times throughout the following seasons, but even such well-planned sessions were not without their failures.

That brings me to today. Yay! Today is a good day. The sun is shining (albeit making the snow sparkle), and I'm writing in my blog!

When I decided that Pinhole Pictures was to be the topic of my next article, I set about researching the matter thoroughly (google! yay!). I figured that while I'm at it, I might as well answer a few remaining key questions people have about photography.

Why are people in old black and white pictures never smiling? Where did our modern-day photography begin?

I'm sure you can guess the answer to the first question. When my friends and I smiled in our picture, we had to hold our smiles perfectly still for 30 seconds (difficult). Even then, our smiles created shadows and altogether blotted our mouths out on the prints. That was unanticipated. Another thing to consider, is that in the 1700-1800s, orthodontists were a thing of the future. It's possible that people were not all that proud of having their crooked teeth photographed.

In answer to the second question, I deliver up at your feet my fascinating research on this intriguing subject of ours. Indeed, I promise you will learn something new today.

For those of you Chinese reading this, you’ll be interested to know that your ancestors (of 5th century B.C.) were the first people to write about the use of the Pinhole camera, when an upside down image was exposed on a wall from a pinhole that was on the opposite wall.
Aristotle (4th century B.C.) wanted to know why "when light shines through a rectangular peep-hole, it appears circular in the form of a cone?" He obviously dealt with the pinhole image formation in his work.
The Pinhole Camera (camera obscura) was used in the 1500s by artists like Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci to help them draw pictures. Outside the dark room a persons’ or objects’ image was reflected on a piece of paper. The artist would then trace the image.
In 1724, Johann Heinrich Schultz discovered that a silver and chalk mixture darkens when it is exposed to light, but still didn’t know how to make lasting pictures with that knowledge.
The year 1826 dawned brightly when a French scientist, Joseph Nicephore Niepce, put a plate coated with an ancient form of asphalt (bitumen) in a pinhole camera. With the camera pointed at his house for eight hours he created a photograph!
This phenomenon was expounded on by Louis J.M. Daguerre, who developed the ‘daguerreotype’ method of taking a negative image, where the mirrored surface of the metal plate reflects the image and makes it appear positive in the proper light. People were amazed to see the Degeuerreotype studios, and declared their images to be “mirrors with a memory”.
The daguerreotype was the first quality look at the camera. The Library of Congress holds 725 pictures taken in 1839-1864. The earliest pictures of the President Abe Lincoln and his wife were taken using the daguerreotype, and the well-known picture of Edgar Allan Poe in 1848 was a daguerreotype. The daguerreotype was the first successful photographic process to be invented. However, it’s biggest drawback was that it was a direct photographic process without the capacity for duplication.
The Calotype, also known as 'Talbotype', offered a more sensitive medium through its use of the latent image phenomenon. This refined process of photogenic drawing was invented by Fox Talbot in September 1840.

In the 1900s, Kodak came out with the ‘Brownie Camera’. This pinhole camera was sold to children for just $1. The name of the Brownie Camera came from the cartoon’s of Palmer Cox. His Brownie characters of 1880 were like the children-adored Walt Disney characters of today. Kids were encouraged to join the Brownie Camera Club, win prizes, and participate in the pure enjoyment of capturing a special memory. The Brownie Camera was a chance for everybody to involved in the wonders of photography. You can find those camera’s all over eBay now.
Taking a giant leap through the evolving of the camera we come to the Polaroid Land Camera, which was invented in 1947. It was the first to produce instant pictures within 60 seconds, and was the most popular camera for a time.
Now, you might ask - why would it take 60 seconds for a picture to be taken? Is that why people didn’t smile in pictures back then?
Think of it this way. With the Polaroid Land Camera, it took 60 seconds for the sun to expose the film to a real image and dye the light-sensitive chemical particles of the film into a negative.
Try to hold a smile perfectly for 60 seconds. You can’t move an inch, or relax your face at all, or the print will turn out fuzzy. But compare this with camera’s before that time - which involved hours of exposure time. The Calotype took anywhere from 10 sec-60 sec. In contrast, daguerreotype needed 25 minutes exposure time; a large improvement from the original 8 hours it had taken.
You can create a Pinhole camera by getting a box that lets no light in except for a tiny hole on one end. Then place film or photographic paper on the other end.
This site will show you how to make a pinhole camera very simply out of an oatmeal canister: users.rcn.com/stewoody/makecam.htm
Also try:
http://www.agendanation.net/20/pinhole
Another: http://www.kodak.com/global/en/consumer/education/lessonPlans/pinholeCamera/

Today, we’ve arrived at a different world of cameras. Obviously, in this grand 21st century of ours, it is no sweat to come by a decent digital camera for $100, and it’s amazing how many children barely know how to write, but can easily operate a Kodak camera. For the folks who don’t care to buy a digital camera, most have camera’s built into their cell phones anyway. So pinhole camera’s have become pretty unnecessary. But not everyone has forgotten the pinhole camera. In fact, many teachers involve their students in making pinhole cameras and taking pinhole pictures for science projects to teach them the simple fundamentals of how photography works . For others, pinhole pictures are considered an art, a hobby, or a relaxing and enjoyable past-time.

Thankfully for us, the Pinhole Camera process is one of the simplest forms of photography. I took advantage of that, and now I understand a bit better how photography has evolved into the Kodak camera I hold in my hand today.
Naturally, the cup of intrigue I sipped from long ago, I now pass to you.
The following pictures are of a few negatives shot around my house. I looked through the pinhole in my paint can and sized up the image I would be shooting (adjusting a music stand and weight props to the right position). Then I went into my dark room, taped a crudely cut piece of film under the lid, and firmly hammered the lid shut. With my thumb holding the black construction flap over the hole, I placed the camera on the stand and pointed it the correct direction. The time of day does matter, because I had to make sure my back was to the sun when I shot pictures. The flap was opened, the clock was watched carefully for the second 30 seconds was over. During the frigid winter weather, when I had helpless family members pose, they declared that it was the longest 30 seconds of their lives. Indeed, the clock hand did freeze during a couple shoots.

Regardless, the following prints are the results of those sessions. Look at them carefully. They are negatives, so you should understand that everything is mirrored, and all things naturally white (like sunlight and sky) show up as black (shadow and black). It has been a fun challenge for many of my friends to tell me exactly what the images are. The details are fairly good, but the natural human eye is challenged beyond the natural state of what it expects.
So, the cup is passed to you: What exactly do you see?





















PICTURE #1
(what season is it? what is the central object?)












PICTURE #2
(why do the objects look like they're on fire?)





















PICTURE #3
(what season is it? is the man in the door way standing or sitting?)









PICTURE #4

(which is man or woman? winter or summer? where/what is the shadow image? what kind of building do they stand by? what are they standing on?)






Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Premature Baby Ben... in the impossible












When a person is told something that they believe in is impossible, their first inclination is to believe in it anyway. Believe against all hopes, against all of the overwhelming reports, and believe in God for that which has been deemed impossible. Many scoff that 'hope' is idealistic and will only result in deep regret. But I submit that some individuals have a grasp on something deeper than hope. They have faith. Faith in God.

To some, faith is a strange concept. Skeptics can say some very loud and scientific things against faith and God. And they have every right to. But regardless of those loud words, faith remains a strong core of communities, families, and my great country of America. I guess I already knew this, but I know now more than ever that God cannot be proved by science, or by man. God proves Himself. Some may doubt their beliefs, but faith itself cannot be extinguished. And when this faith is grounded in God, it has power that even the most knowledgeable of mortals cannot deny. It is my experience that those who believe in God regardless of the opinion of man, have decided that there is Someone bigger than man that has the power over life and death.

So why not believe in the impossible, eh? Why not have a little faith, ladies and gentlemen… in miracles?

I present to you a very young family. This family was normal enough for quite a while. Aaron and Heather already had two blonde-haired little girls and were naturally pleased when they found out they were pregnant with a boy. So, young Julianna and Lauren were to have a little brother! There’s nothing abnormal about that. Little boys are born every day. But what was unusual about the little boy Heather was carrying, was that he was not growing normally in the womb. This was naturally a shock to the whole family (including the two girls’ close grandparents), and requests for prayer were sent around to churches.

Understandably, the time that has followed has been a turbulent time for the family. The little boy, Benjamin, was born on January 6th, instead of the projected March 21st. That is a very premature baby. His diaper was the size of a large postage stamp. But premature babies are born every day. What makes him different? The more I became interested in the family, and the more I heard about their hard time, I found that it was their strong faith in God…in the impossible that only He could allow, to be what fascinated me and inspired me to write this.

I wanted to make this blog entry as factual as possible, so I figured that the best way to let you see the inside perspective to this story was to ask questions and get some answers. The children’s grandmother passed these questions on to the mother of Baby Ben. Heather was kind enough to answer them for this blog, and I share those stimulating answers with you now.




Hi Andria,
Here are the answers to the questions you gave to (my mother-in-law). She didn’t know the answers to some of them so she gave them to me. The only time I have to sit and write is when I’m holding Ben so I don’t have access to a computer. Hopefully written answers are ok.

1. When did (you) first find out something was wrong with Ben?
We first found out something was wrong with Ben on Friday December 28th. I went in for a routine US and they discovered that he was only ½ the size he should be and that my placenta wasn’t working so well.

2. What did the doctors initially say/advise?
It depended on the doctor, and we saw 10 of them over all. My doctor and 1 of the perineotologists said that this baby had a chance and lets do all we can to help him. Two of the perineotologists told me to go home and let him die.

3. What were (you) thinking when she heard what the doctors said?
I of course was scared, however I had the peace of God that all would be OK. Not easy or pleasant, but OK I had not experienced His peace so vividly like that before. It was wonderful and what got me through the2 weeks of bed rest and the 7 weeks since.

4. When did the emergency C-section take place? And what would the normal due date have been?
I had him on Sunday January 6th at 2:18 pm. His original birthday was supposed to be March 21st.

5. How much did Benjamin weigh? How premature was he? What did he look like initially? What was the first sign that he might live?
He weighed 15 oz. And was 11 inches long. He was just about 12 weeks premature. When I first saw him at 2 hours old he looked tiny, pink and cute. He looked like a normal baby only in miniature. He looked like a tiny version of Lauren. The first sign that he might live medically speaking was the fact that he breathed on his own for the first 6 hours of his life. He had a rough 2 weeks after that when the doctors were doubtful that he’d make it but I always knew that he would live and be OK.

6. What were the family’s and (your) reaction to Benjamin?
We all pretty much reacted the same way. We were relieved, overwhelmed and very joyful.

7. What were the doctors’/hospital staffs’ reactions to Benjamin?
They were surprised that he survived. Only ½ the babies his size do. He is the smallest baby at (the hospital) that they’ve had. They are very good and gentle with him. His room sees a lot of traffic. All of the nurses check on his progress and they “fight” to see who gets to take care of him.

8. What milestones has Benjamin already overcome?
Too many to write it seems. He has overcome a hole in his heart, immature lungs, 2 grade-one brain bleeds, and a digestive system that didn’t want to work at first. He also had a blood infection and a body full of bilirubin.

9. How much does Benjamin weigh now? How has he changed in appearance?
Ben weighs 1 lb 8 oz as of Feb. 25th. Hopefully that number will grow every day. He has changed quite a bit. For a couple of days he was black from bilirubin then he turned yellow. He is still a bit yellow but is starting to pink up. His ribs are a bit less visible now and he looks longer - probably because he is. He’s just under 12 in. Why do I think Benjamin is still alive? It’s very simple actually. Because God wants him to be and because God has a purpose for Bens life that only Ben can accomplish. We have been able to speak of God’s power and love to people we never would have had Ben not come to us the way he did. Although it has been tough, if given the choice, we would do it all again.

As I read those answers and saw the pictures of Baby Ben, I was touched to an unprintable degree. Ben is so small, so fragile, so helpless. And yet Someone is keeping his heart beating. Someone is whispering in his little ears that he has a purpose on this old earth. Someone is telling him to open his eyes and survey the world with wonder. That is not fate, or chance, or logical prediction. That is God.

I am not beyond thinking that some will scorn the simple faith of this family. But I don’t think that would change their faith in God one dot. Believing in God is not about proving anything. Believing in God to do the impossible is a choice. That choice is something that will baffle atheistic minds for both the centuries past and future, and you and I both know that where there are believers, there will be unbelievers. Unbelievers will shake their fist at the sky as though God is some drifting shape in the clouds, and will ask Him for proof of His existence before they can believe. But God is not limited to physical qualities and physical instruments and physical limitations. He is not ordered about by ‘all-knowing’ man. He cannot be described, because it would only limit Him. No, man cannot pull out instruments and measure God. And yet, while God cannot be proven by man, God can certainly prove himself through man. Even a little man…a little miracle… our Baby Ben.

I offer my deepest gratitude to those of you who read through this entire entry, and I hope these words encouraged some of you to hang in there today. Nothing is too hard… too difficult. For those of you who found this too sappy? tough. You needed sappiness today.

Regardless of whoever you are, if you think to pray, please send those prayers little Benjamin’s way.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

The Entirely Solemn Study of Saturday

I love Saturday. Saturday is the day you look forward to on every other day of the week. Even on Sunday, you start to schedule your next Saturday in your mind. For some reason Monday's are irrepressibly depressing, because its so opposite of Saturday. Saturday equals options for the individual, Monday equals duty for the individual.

It would be an interesting study indeed to find out how different days of the week affect people. I personally, tend to notice about 90% ups on the depression scale when Monday rolls around. I don't doubt that most of my customers would confess to feeling a slight heaviness of the heart when their alarm clock sounds off Monday morning. I, assuredly, feel gradually more and more depressed by the gloom of people feeling gloomy. Spring and sunshine, where are you?

But take heart! It's still Saturday! And you're still not done reading my blog!

Today, I had a spontaneous girlfriend day. I don't normally get chances to get together with my friend Kimmie, so when she called me up last night to ask if I wanted to go shopping, I sniffed my last sniff of sickness and felt better instantly. "What time?" - was my reply.
After the deliciously nauseating feeling of too much food from Ponderosa (my childhood favorite restaurant - brings back the macaroni and cheese memories), we drove to the mall and I scoured the prom dresses (inevitable). My friend and I get crazy when we shop, though. We like never buy anything. We just spend forever 'looking' (the phenomenon that drives all men batty).

Although, there was the exception of one time (in the past) at Target we bought batteries and deodherant. I wrote out a check for 15 bucks, and now that seems so hilarious. We don't buy things like normal people, because it just seems so much more fun to amuse ourselves with abnormal things. It did get a little embarrassing, though, when my friend began humming the mission impossible theme and darted from pillar to pillar behind two unsuspecting ladies. We also went into Bath and Body Works and were befriended by a woman who wanted to tell us all about the body-spray we had been sampling. I asked (for a friend) if any of their foot products dispelled planters warts, and my friend got this shocked look. It was classic - pay-back embarrassing moments. That's how we are, though. We're those giggly nuts who squeeze behind curtains into photo booths and scream because the pictures are taken too fast. Only, the last time we did it there was no curtain, and every body who went past us looked in with wrinkled, mature noses. That was quite fun.

Anyways, so that was my Saturday. I came home, filled out a migraine of a Scholarship form (my Dad moaned that it felt like taxes all over again), and I ate my mom's steaming, home-made biscuits. My mom makes the best biscuits in the world. I told her that when I get to college, I would like her to please mail a box of her biscuits to me still steaming all the way from winter-land. There's something irresistibly melty about them, that even Ponderosa and campus meals cannot possibly hold a candle to my mom's biscuits.

Random. Spontaneous. Irresistible. Unpredictable. Yes. That's me/life.

Virgin Diaries


A lot happens on couches. Movie night. Good book. Morning coffee. Making out. Making out. Making out.

Pull up a couch if you want to read about it.