Well, today was muggy but beautiful. I found myself washing trays this morning and thinking, "I am not even using 10% of my brain capacity doing this." So I began talking with myself, to get some cerebral juices flowing. Incidentally I had quite the conversation with myself, but at one point I got stuck because I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. I was trying to imagine myself as a 90 year old woman, and I was wondering if I would have lost my mind by then. Then I added (to clarify for myself),
"But this is only metaphorically speaking... Is it metaphorical? No... That's not the word I want. What's that one word? I used to say it all the time..." It bugged me and bugged me, until I waylaid one of my managers and he helped me out.
"Hypothetically speaking."
"Thank you so much! Hypothetically speaking."
He looked at me oddly and I continued to humbly wipe trays. Have you ever had that happen to you? Where you just...can't...remember? Or worse - a song is going through your head and you keep humming it and you can't figure out where it's from. That's pretty much the worst thing that can happen to you, because it's easy to explain a word that you can't think of, but it's a lot more humbling to try to hum the song swimming around in your head (especially if you get all the lyrics wrong, and the person just looks at you, like, "O-kay....") I hate that when someone looks at me like I'm wierd. It really is interesting to me, though, how some of the wierdest people in the world consider everybody else wierd. (Hopefully that doesn't come back to bite me-lol.)
Speaking of forgetfulness, my whole family has been asking each other all day, "So, have you heard the news about Brett Favre? You know... how he had is officially last day on Lambeau Field today." Pretty sure I heard that on the radio like twice, and then my mom told me about it as she read it on the internet, and then my dad just asked my mom if she heard the news. What's funnier yet, is that each time I heard it "announced" it was as though each person "announcing it" had breaking news and they were the first to share it. "Did you know..." People make me laugh (which means I have an ongoing affair of amusement with myself).
Did you know that the study of people is called 'anthropology'? I knew that, I just thought I would make sure you did. I should major in 'anthropology' instead of 'journalism'. It's just that I find both the study of people and their effect on the world so interesting, I can't help but write about both. It's not that I'm a young, fresh, wet-behind-the-ears intern who is exhaustingly excited about intricate political affairs. No. I am a person who happens to be young and happens to be interested in the things going on around me. If I happen to live in America, and my country happens to be winning a war in a foreign country, well, then I find that interesting. And... if my coworker begins complaining about a customer, or my mom confesses to me how many chips she ate in one day, well, that's interesting too. (Granted, it get's a little boring if someone talks about how 'good' so and so is. That doesn't interest me. Give me blood, betrayal, and sarcasm any day.)
I think it was yesterday that I was writing something down about myself that was horribly conceited (and I quote), "I marvel that I can both observe and interact with my fellow man so well". That's like ASKING to get jinxed. And, yes, today I was completely uninterested in conversing with customer after customer, saying the same old thing to each uninterested person.
ME: "Hi!" (Said brightly for emphasis), "How you doing?" (Joey style)
THEM: "Yeah, I'm doing good, good. Real good. And you?" (Shutup, and give me my food all ready)
ME: "Well, I'm doing well, thank you. It's a beautiful day!"
THEM: (silence)
ME: "Well, your sandwich will be out in a little bit, but until then you can decide what you would like on your sandwich. Did you know whether you would like to eat here or to go?"
THEM: "Yeah, to go. I'll take (and the rambling ensues)."
See, I've discovered that if I try to save time and say the exact same thing to every customer, not every customer responds the same. You may say that all they want is their sandwich, but that is rarely true. People (myself included) really do want to be treated like they matter. Thus, I must prove my individual ability to make every customers' sandwich... over, and over, and over, and over again. So, I should probably not do what I did today - and totally bomb the whole "I care about you, what can I get for you" customer service thing.
I did see one of my old metivante customers today. That was really pleasant! He was actually nice, AND he asked how I was doing! I had to hurry and go put trays away, but I felt all warm and skippy when I walked. It's really nice to feel loved and cared about.
There. That's my people study. And I conclude that if everybody is just like me, well, they honestly just want people to treat them with respect, treat them with understanding, treat them with something other than a company line, and treat them with love.
Thus, a sandwich made with love still applies. Stop looking at me like I'm wierd.
I hate that, remember?
Showing posts with label Bad Customer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Customer. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
"How to be a bad customer" for DUMMIES
I just ran across the greatest blog-article that I think you guys should read. It's purely satire, but it made me laugh. http://aplacecalledblog.blogspot.com/2007/07/you-should-be-more-enthusiastic-about.html
So, I decided to write a piece that deals with my end of things. While I myself have often been the customer who has been disgusted by the customer-service I recieved, I have also been on the other side of the counter. (In fact, I am 4 or 5 days out of the week). And there is nothing more tragic than being treated like dirt merely because every customer expects you to deliver bad service. There is the classic 'bad service' and the classic 'bad customer'. As you won't have to deal with being in the bad service end of things, I've decided to help you out. I'm going to turn all of you into worst possible bad customers! How fun is that?? ;)
In order to be a bad customer, you must realize that your place in this world is a very important one. Without you, phrases like "the customer is always right" and "get off the phone and order" would never have come about.
Your position in the fast-food industry is a serious one, because you are responsible for taking all of the problems you are having in your personal life out on the person(s) behind the counter. Remember, they are there to serve you, so have no qualms about being as unpleasant as possible.
Since you are obviously reading this because you want to learn how to be a bad customer, let's first run over a few rules. (These kinds of articles always require rules) I'll recount some personal experiences I've had with bad customers so you can know better how to be one.
We'll call you the 'bad customer' (BC) and me the 'bad service' (BS).
1) Keep your cell-phone glued to your ear at all times. When the BS asks you what you would like to order, talk animatedly into your cell and then mumble your order incoherently. Above all annoying things you could do, this annoys the BS the most. Good job!
2) Expect the worst from the BS. This gives you plenty of license to sneer superiorly at them if they have to ask for your order twice.
3) Try going into restaurants and confusing the BS as much as possible with your order. Tell them you would like mustard, and then when they put it on, order them to take it off. Guarantee they will either look annoyed or helpless, and then you can run home and write about the stupidities of the young in the food industry in your blog.
4) Make sure you let them know you're mad if they can't wipe all the mustard off fast enough.
5) If possible, bring along a purse or other voice-muffling paraphanalia and talk into it when ordering. Here it is also crucial that you get angry when they ask you to repeat their order.
6) Speak a different language.
7) Let the BS's know that if it weren't for the counter, you would be right up in their face.
8) Always demand. Never ask. Treat them as inhumanely as possible, because this is what they secretly expect.
9) Enter the establishment 2 minutes before closing time and sit down for a long luxurious meal.
10) Make small-talk as awkward as possible. This is a fun one. If someone actually makes the effort to talk and be friendly with you, stare at them until they feel so uncomfortable that they shutup.
11) Another option is to just laugh at them until they look insecure.
12) Oo- another good one is to give them clipped answers that keeps them going just enough that they eventually just drift off because the air is stiff with awkwardness and absolute lackage of things to say.
13) Better yet - ignore them. When they say "Hi, how are you?" just turn away.
14) Pretend to be deaf.
15) Be really friendly and laugh encouragingly at their jokes and then just before you leave give them the finger.
16) Insult them and then smile.
17) Take a friend along with you and discuss what you didn't like about the BS as you're leaving with your food.
18) Never look a BS in the eye when you're talking to them. It's best to look directly above their head at the menu when ordering.
19) Never, NEVER say thank you. Gratitude is the most shocking habit a BC could pick up on.
20) No matter what, never expect to find a friend when you're going into a food establishment. ALWAYS expect the BS to be a lousy teen who is working 3 jobs and has absolutely no self-esteem. Treat them with zero respect, because after all, you are the successful BC and they are only the next generation.
There. I think that's satisfactory.
So, I decided to write a piece that deals with my end of things. While I myself have often been the customer who has been disgusted by the customer-service I recieved, I have also been on the other side of the counter. (In fact, I am 4 or 5 days out of the week). And there is nothing more tragic than being treated like dirt merely because every customer expects you to deliver bad service. There is the classic 'bad service' and the classic 'bad customer'. As you won't have to deal with being in the bad service end of things, I've decided to help you out. I'm going to turn all of you into worst possible bad customers! How fun is that?? ;)
In order to be a bad customer, you must realize that your place in this world is a very important one. Without you, phrases like "the customer is always right" and "get off the phone and order" would never have come about.
Your position in the fast-food industry is a serious one, because you are responsible for taking all of the problems you are having in your personal life out on the person(s) behind the counter. Remember, they are there to serve you, so have no qualms about being as unpleasant as possible.
Since you are obviously reading this because you want to learn how to be a bad customer, let's first run over a few rules. (These kinds of articles always require rules) I'll recount some personal experiences I've had with bad customers so you can know better how to be one.
We'll call you the 'bad customer' (BC) and me the 'bad service' (BS).
1) Keep your cell-phone glued to your ear at all times. When the BS asks you what you would like to order, talk animatedly into your cell and then mumble your order incoherently. Above all annoying things you could do, this annoys the BS the most. Good job!
2) Expect the worst from the BS. This gives you plenty of license to sneer superiorly at them if they have to ask for your order twice.
3) Try going into restaurants and confusing the BS as much as possible with your order. Tell them you would like mustard, and then when they put it on, order them to take it off. Guarantee they will either look annoyed or helpless, and then you can run home and write about the stupidities of the young in the food industry in your blog.
4) Make sure you let them know you're mad if they can't wipe all the mustard off fast enough.
5) If possible, bring along a purse or other voice-muffling paraphanalia and talk into it when ordering. Here it is also crucial that you get angry when they ask you to repeat their order.
6) Speak a different language.
7) Let the BS's know that if it weren't for the counter, you would be right up in their face.
8) Always demand. Never ask. Treat them as inhumanely as possible, because this is what they secretly expect.
9) Enter the establishment 2 minutes before closing time and sit down for a long luxurious meal.
10) Make small-talk as awkward as possible. This is a fun one. If someone actually makes the effort to talk and be friendly with you, stare at them until they feel so uncomfortable that they shutup.
11) Another option is to just laugh at them until they look insecure.
12) Oo- another good one is to give them clipped answers that keeps them going just enough that they eventually just drift off because the air is stiff with awkwardness and absolute lackage of things to say.
13) Better yet - ignore them. When they say "Hi, how are you?" just turn away.
14) Pretend to be deaf.
15) Be really friendly and laugh encouragingly at their jokes and then just before you leave give them the finger.
16) Insult them and then smile.
17) Take a friend along with you and discuss what you didn't like about the BS as you're leaving with your food.
18) Never look a BS in the eye when you're talking to them. It's best to look directly above their head at the menu when ordering.
19) Never, NEVER say thank you. Gratitude is the most shocking habit a BC could pick up on.
20) No matter what, never expect to find a friend when you're going into a food establishment. ALWAYS expect the BS to be a lousy teen who is working 3 jobs and has absolutely no self-esteem. Treat them with zero respect, because after all, you are the successful BC and they are only the next generation.
There. I think that's satisfactory.
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