Dating with A.D.D.

How do you ask the guy you're going out with if he has ADD?

I have a problem with relationships. Not only am I scared of commitment, but I tend to give all the wrong signals early in the game. I meet a guy and a couple things bother me about him, but my mother always says I shouldn't be so picky and I'm not getting any younger. Sooo I go out with him. I forget about the things that bothered me until our relationship becomes serious. Suddenly when he get's serious, those things that bothered me become all I can see and I cut things off.

A couple examples:
R was too crass.
A was too young and physical.
M was too boring.
K was too young and made everything into a joke - EVERYTHING.
F was hilarious but I wasn't attracted.
A2 was too physical and had a boring personality.

Then along comes J. He's sweet, he's so thoughtful, he's got a great sense of humor, he's attractive, he loves being around people, he's adorable, but he can't maintain eye contact. I thought maybe he was just really shy around me, but he met my brother last night and he was the same way with him. So my brother doesn't think he's shifty, but he thinks he has ADD or something. I'm devestated. I really like J. But I did notice it when we first met and I overlooked it (no pun intended) because I wanted to give him a chance. The more I got to know him the more I realized I liked a lot of other things about him. Is it fair to him if I continue to overlook it even if it bothers me? He has a hard time doing 'give and take' with conversation and I think a lot of this is because he doesn't look up when he's talking. He has beautiful blue eyes but it's like he's too shy to look up at me. I know I can be a really intimidating girl, but he's never maintained eye-contact for more than 2-3 seconds at a time. It concerns me because eye contact is so huge with communication. Can he get a good job? Will he miss out his whole life on social cues that are only given with the eyes? He's 25; he's probably not going to just 'outgrow' this....

The crazy thing is, of all the guys I've met that are full of ability and bravado, not one of them has tried sooo hard, not one of them has been sooo sweet. This guy like puts it all out there and opens the door for me and takes me to plays and nice restaurants. He's so generous and thinks nothing of himself. He breaks my heart. But I'm trying to disect this. Does he break my heart like a puppy dog would? Or is it something else? What if he DOES have ADD or something - is it wrong to like him anyway? It hurts me that other people don't see how awesome he is. I know my brother means well - and all my family will mean well. But will they immediate write him off because of this? Will they treat him like he's disabled or like I'm settling?

So how do I have this conversation with him? 'Do you have ADD?' um 'I can't go out with you anymore because you don't maintain eye contact....' Seriously....

Thoughts in the day of an average 22 year old girl....