I hear that marriage is hard work. Not being married myself, I tend to romanticize what marriage should be like. I picture freedom from authority, late nights, steamy sex, being with my best friend, my own house, setting down roots, someone to adore me constantly, and a big fat rock on my left hand. I picture fun wedding pictures, kids some day, happiness and contentment.

But really, even though i don't mentally check myself very often on my idealistic perceptions of marriage, the reality always hit me and scares me to death when a guy starts wanting to date seriously. It was fun to go to dinner with you, and thank you for paying attention to my favorite color, but do I want to spend the rest of my LIFE with you???

It freaks me out. Some could call this commitment issues. I say that I take commitment very seriously and I don't say "yes" lightly without thought for what I'm truly agreeing to. I don't believe in divorce, which is why I'm still single....

In reality, marriage probably IS hard work. Society and those around me even in Christian circles tell me that it will be sacrifice of yourself for another, it means no more seeking other men's attention, it means you his face FOREVER, it means having sex when I don't FEEL like it, it means submitting, it may mean giving up working and being a homemaker (which is not ALL bad but I might die of boredom), it means supporting him - even when his decision SUCK, it means constantly getting closer to God so I can get closer to him, it means accepting his family, it means giving up my family, it means he respresents/reflects me (and vice versa), it means I don't own my body, it means we rely on each other financially (can he get a good job?!), it means giving up my ideals of romance and girlish dreams, it means I rely on him to keep me safe, it means accountability, it means less independance, it means disagreements and agreements to disagree...and the list goes on.

So right now, could I be married or get married? Yes. Does it terrify me? YES. Do I want to be so vulnerable to any one person? No! Do I want to reap the benefits of marriage, though? Well....yes.

I don't want to be alone, I don't want to stay single, I don't want to miss out on God's blessing, I do want to have kids, etc. I just see so many disadvantages to marriage right now. It's going to take a pretty determined guy to change my mind....