It's scary to be so happy

We haven't said those words yet. But in an effort to avoid writing a legal brief for class, I'm here. My little fingers are furiously typing on this wretched Dell keyboard on keys that have known me since my freshman year in 08. And I see his smile. The way he looks at me. The way he encourages me. The way he's so patient with me.

And I love him.

But I don't say it because I'm afraid I'll mess it up. It's the only reason I try to deny that I love him. It's scary to be so happy. But last night I was grading his paper and ripping it apart, and I gave him a merciful A-. And he says, "Babe, what would you really give me?" And I wasn't thinking and said "my heart haha". He said "would you really?" And I said "if you want it". Anyways he wanted it, and then we did this really sappy exchange of hearts over text. It's really sickening in the light of day but last night it seemed really sweet. UG. WHAT IS HE TURNING ME INTO????

He said he's glad I don't remember single life and he's going to do his best to keep me from ever experiencing it again. Let's just say he has said a minimum of 5 times that he wants to marry me and give me his last name. He's not possessive but he is fascinated with this idea that I am his and no one else's. :P

But seriously. I'm having a hard time remembering what I did with my time when I was single. What was life before him? I thought I would feel limited to be with one guy. And yet I don't know what I was so afraid of - it's great. As it is now, when I'm not with my friend at school and working on some project I'm with him. And I think I could spend all my time with him and not feel like I was missing out on anything at all. He makes me feel like I don't need anything else but God and then him.

Let me show you what a good guy he is. Yesterday, I conducted a failed social experiment. Literally, I pictured a hundred people freezing all over the front of campus holding thank you cards and then we would get on our radio show and talk about positive communication and speak out against cyberbullying! Instead, you have me and a straggling few freezing in front of campus with panicked looks in our eyes as people stare at us as they pass by. And we're holding these signs that say "Take a moment. Thank someone." My cheeks were burning with shame. It was supposed to be a freeze MOB but it turned out to be a freeze trickle. I think they caught me on camera saying I wanted to crawl under a pillow. I didn't even get the phrase "crawl under a rock" right!!! Afterwards, I got interviews of the thankful few and later realized I hadn't even pressed record. Let's just say it was an EPIC fail. And Andrew was one of the 10 people that showed up and froze with me. Let's just say I wanted to sarcastically thank the 50 people who had said on facebook they would be "attending" the event and then just never showed up. Included in the no-shows was the guy who came up with the idea to do the freeze mob. He had NO excuses!!

And Andrew just calmed me down. He thought it was adorable that I was doing it and he supported me even though he had a class in the next 5 minutes. He makes me feel special and he listens to me rant about the injustice in the world! He just has this way of shutting me up haha. He has good ideas sometimes that really make me think about things I can do instead of throwing my hands up in the air.

Today I was having issues with my schedule for next semester and he's like, "Well, let's go talk to them." I wanted to just give up and talk about all the brick walls I was hitting. But instead I followed him upstairs to find the Dean's office and he sat outside patiently while I talked to him for about 35 minutes. When I got out he didn't complain about how long I'd taken or how he didn't realize it would be that long. He just said, "How did it go?"

Two months ago I would have said he didn't deserve me and I was only into him for the physical. Today I would say that I don't deserve him and I love him for who he is.