You're given these tools and one day you look down at the two hands God gave you and you think, "It's just not enough!"
I had that kind of day yesterday. I've always been pretty well-rounded, but that also comes with the curse of being average at pretty much everything. As a result, while I may be working hard at a lot of different things, I never excel at any one thing.
So, having my hand in so many pots, I find myself this semester in a TV class - with no experience, whatsoever. I've been feeling pretty good about being in front of the camera for my class project, but when I went to go practice yesterday in the TV studio, this little freshman was in there and no matter how nice I was, she snubbed me like I was dirt. No big deal - I shook it off and thought, "She's probably like 18. Who cares if her complexion is flawless and she looks like she just stepped out of a beauty pageant. I'm 22 - those things don't bother me anymore."
Wrong. I got in front of the camera to do weather and unfortunately I could SEE myself as I pointed at the stupid little suns on the national map. It was all I could do to not stop the show to use the projected screen as a mirror and change like EVERYTHING about myself. My bangs were in this awkward between stage, my face had broken out the day before, my shirt suddenly looked dumpy....it was BAD. Then of course she floats on as weather and anchor next, and I couldn't help but think that even when she messed up it was perfect.
I'm reminded of a story my mom told me when I was a girl. She lived in a tiny village in the mountains of Kentucky and she was the star pianist of the church and school there. One day she met a man and she followed him to a college in Greenville, SC (incidentally the same college where I attend now). She waltzed into the music department expecting to overwhelm it with her talent, only to find that she was insanely out-talented. Personally, I wouldn't have felt jealous because I would DIE if I had to dedicate my life to hours of music!
But it was her THING and it ate her up. No matter how hard she tried, she felt smaller and smaller every day. But later when she returned to her little mountain village with her husband, she realized a very important thing. Those virtuoso's could be as talented as they wanted, but that talent wasn't going to help the village where my mom lived, because they were all somewhere else. The point is that my mom was needed, and she couldn't just give up because she wasn't as talented as someone thousands of miles away. God gave her a unique opportunity and a unique set of talents that were just what she needed. Who knows, if God HAD given her more talents, she may have been summoned to a different place, a different time, a different husband, a different daughter (a real SHAME on that last one). He knew exactly what she needed.
And it's true that God has given me everything I need, too. The girl that's prettier and better and wittier is not omnipresent. God knows I'm going to be in situations that she'll never face someday - and they're going to need me, not her. They're going to need my unique perspective, my sense of humor, my well-roundedness (hopefully referring to my future talents, not shape).
So I can't just give up.
Does it suck that I haven't reached a state of perfection by 22? Heck, yeah. Am I shocked that I'm not perfect by now? YES. But God knows that if I DID have that perfect face, I maybe would be in a whole different place, different time, different future man, different future children. To throw out my imperfections and miss out on His best? Now THAT would be a shame.
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