Alone...or am I?

Silence. In this moment I feel panic. I feel small. I see faceless crowds. I reach for my phone, feeling the need to text someone, anyone. I have the constant need to feel connected.

And then I remember.

"My Grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness." 2 Cor 12:9a

I put my phone down. I listen again. I hear the rustling of autumn trees. A bird begins trilling and chirping. There's traffic in the distance. I hear more than just people's voices--three girls are talking about their weekend, two businessmen are discussing private student loan options, and a mixed group is trying to quiz each other before the next hour. They are individual people. It's ok that they don't know me. The sun is shining and warming my shoulders. The breeze blows my hair. I see mountains in the distance.

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9b

I take this moment to stop, quiet my mind, and talk to God. He made me. He allows every circumstance. Instead of changing those circumstances, He teaches me through them. The circumstance I'm in right now? Nothing horrible actually-- just loneliness. And it's not for lack of people. It's the addiction I have to constant attention.

Guess what God's teaching me? It's not all about me. It's ok to play a background scene, or be a supportive friend, or do the kind thing and say no to a guy. I don't always need to be the director or the talent. I can be just as at peace in God's grace to be alone as I can be at peace to forge ahead into this unknown future.

In the end, I trust His plan. I don't want to. But I choose to.