Seriously you're going to get so sick of these posts. But this is part of my life now, so you're going to have to deal with it. Today felt SOO long - and I only had one class and a 30 minute chapel session. I normally love easy days like this, but instead I found myself desperately looking for things to do. Why? Because otherwise I will just think about him and that's just nauseating. It's 7:01 and I've exhausted everything in my power to keep my mind off of him. I've vacuumed the whole house, swept, mopped, cleaned the bathroom, went for a 2-mile jog, took a shower, washed my bedding, washed the rugs, washed the dishes (it's not even my night!), watched a show, did all my homework, and now I'm doing the last thing I can think of - writing in my blog.
The insane thing is that ever since the eleventh grade I've "dated" a lot of guys. And I eventually get annoyed by their texts and calls and dates --- I just don't want to be with them. I get tired of them VERY quickly. I keep my serious thoughts to myself and hold them at arm's length just so I can say I'm with someone. I certainly don't think about them. Responding to their texts is more of an afterthought. But this guy keeps me guessing. He doesn't play all of his cards. Drives me CRAZY. For the first time I feel like he has a life and I don't! But really, I have a very interesting life....just a lot of down time that suddenly feels like eternity.
The craziest thing is that I can't believe he likes me. I guess I expect guys that I don't like to like me. But I'm paralyzed with fear at the thought of a genuinely good, awesome guy liking little ol me. Talking to him is now my favorite part of the day - he said that last night about talking to me and I thought how that's so true for me, too. I spazzed out on him last night. I got all serious and my voice got all low as I spilled out my fear that he would be mad at me for having so many short term relationships in the past. His voice got all cute and concerned when he wanted to know if I was trying to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship with him. I was like - o gosh, no - and then I'm not even sure if I made sense. But he didn't hate me at all. He thought I was cute for sharing that with him. We think so much alike, but then our tastes are totally different. Omg I'm normally so confident around guys but he like instantly knows how to get me to open up and see my insecurities. I've never, ever felt the need to share something that stupid with another guy. Why this one? Gosh, I hope I don't blow it....
Anyways, I talked to my mom tonight. I couldn't quite bring him up, though. Instead I just spoke in vague terms my mom could understand by asking, "Can you pray for my future husband?" - haha because obviously who knows what I'm going to think when I meet this guy. She quickly perks up and says, "Do we have a name for your future husband??" lol I wouldn't give her any more details but I could tell it's eating her up now.
Sigh.....I could write about him all night. It's a poor substitute, though, to talking to the real thing. Wish he didn't have dumb late night classes....
God knows I just need to learn this patience.
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