I'm kind of surprised that I feel that way because today was supposed to be so dismal. My plans to meet up with a guy I really liked were cruelly canceled. But I've woken up with a new perspective the last couple of days.
One of my friends shared a thought with me. People followed Jesus back in the day for all sorts of different reasons-- not all of them truly wanted to worship or follow him because of who he is. There were a lot of people who followed him just to see what THEY could get from him-- a kingdom, food, health, etc. They wanted him to provide those temporal things tot hem. And in Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus basically told the people following him that they had greater needs and that he would provide those for them. I think I've been following Jesus sometimes for what I can get out of him-- the benefits of Christianity, you could say. Some might think there are no benefits to Christianity, but I would disagree. Being a Christian provides you with a moral compass, a higher standard for yourself, a Christian circle full of some people who are stuck up but a lot of people who will accept you just how you are and will encourage you. There's a sweet fellowship among people who are truly seeking Christ. But I'm reminded that I don't follow Christ because my prospects at a good marriage are better or because I want to have certain kinds of friends or morals. I follow Christ because He first loved me. He has already fulfilled a need for me that is FAR greater than my physical needs. Sure there are temporal things that I want. But I think God's trying to say, "Angela, I've given you everything you need. Far more exciting than meeting up with a guy who liked you for who you are is the reality that you will meet ME someday - and I KNOW all your faults and love you in spite of them."
This doesn't mean I give up on all temporal things. I would love to meet the man who is the perfect fit for me. I would love to have a flawless complexion. But God has given me everything I truly need right now. And I am learning that I can't control anything. If God wants it for me, he's going to work around my stubborn will and give it to me. If he doesn't want it for me, nothing I do to try to man-handle an almighty God is going to change what happens. So why this struggle? Why this bitterness against what God allowed? Why this frustrated withdrawal away from the life God has given me?
At every phase of my life I think I could be frustrated about something. I could plan the heck out of each stage and watch every plan get altered by the finger of an almighty God. And instead of thinking, "Well, His plan is better. He knows the sparrow's needs and how much more does he KNOW my needs and what is best for me?" I think, "God, you're ruining EVERYTHING." It's kinda silly when you think about it. Here I am this tiny little being, one among billions, and I'm shaking my fist at an almighty God.
God takes my carefully planned and structured life and He gives it an unpredictable twist. Sometimes it leaves me crying at the unfairness, sometimes it leaves me skipping away barely believing my good luck. But all-in-all those twists and turns are the BEST version of my life. I don't even think outside the box compared to God. In my normal life I would be in class this morning. I would be stumbling all over myself this afternoon to meet up with a guy this afternoon that could quite realistically have been turned off by all my imperfections - far more devastating than just never meeting him.
My sister reminded me of something good yesterday. "Just because you can't be with him now doesn't mean you can never be with him. If it's the right person but the wrong time, then it's the wrong person for you right now. But it also doesn't mean this guy is or isn't for you. God absolutely has the best plan in mind for you. He may have saved you or protected you from a real disaster. He may also be grooming you to be truly ready for this guy." The truth is, God knows every possible scenario. And I know He loves me. He wants to use me. Do I turn away from him when he's not providing the needs I think I need fulfilled? Or do I turn towards him in spite of my loss, because I trust Him.
Trust is blind. It doesn't know the future. It doesn't know every possible twist and turn. It believes that this roller coaster ride will stay on track and that the Maker will keep the passenger safe. Trust doesn't need to know every detail of how that roller coaster works. In fact, it doesn't care to check all the circuitry and nuts and bolts before getting in. It just trust the person who made it. It chooses to get into that car, all while knowing it's going to be scary. It laughs and screams and over-all enjoys the unexpected dips. That's trust.
So, God. I do trust you. I CHOOSE to trust you even though it doesn't make a lick of sense. NOT because of the benefits Christianity may bring me. But because I love you. I recognize that I CAN'T control this life and that I don't want to. I'm thankful you brought my perspective back to you and that you grew me closer to you through this. Don't ever let me forget who I really owe for all the good things that happen to me. And the truth is....it's all good. Because YOU know the end result.
No comments:
Post a Comment