Stranger Danger

Have you ever been a victim of sexual abuse?

This question posed by my school today got me thinking. It didn't get me thinking about a personal experience when I was sexual abused. Instead it made me think of close calls - times where I look back now and realize I had foolishly put myself in harms way. To this day I don't know what horror God protected me from and I don't know why He allows others to go through unspeakable horrors. I know God loves us all the same. But for some reason, He has protected me so many times from sexual abuse. And I don't really take time to thank Him for that. I know, as a woman, that I'm not guaranteed freedom from sexual abuse for my entire life. But thankful for a life free of it so far.

When I was 14 I was approached by a middle-aged black man in a large van. I had moved away from my youth group and was standing in the middle of a median advertising for a car wash. Basically he tried to get me to go down an alley with him so I could supposedly wax his car. Thankfully I mentioned it to our youth pastor who basically confronted the guy. He drove off - circled back once and then I never saw him again.

When I was 19 I was walking back to my dorm at 2 a.m. from my job. I foolishly went alone. A guy wearing all black came out of the bushes and to this day I swear he was holding a gun - or something in his hand. I started walking faster and this guy started walking over the grass towards me, not saying anything. I couldn't find my card and frantically started waving my bag in front of the door. I beeped in and pulled the door shut behind me just in time. He rattled the door. I called public safety but they said it was probably just a public safety guy who was not properly identifying himself or following protocol to stay on sidewalks. It kinda irked me that they didn't take it seriously. Two days later the police caught a car-jacker who was on the 10-most-wanted list about a block from our university at the elementary school. Coincidence?

When I was 20 I let a 24 year old guy talk me into visiting his house with him alone. I didn't know him very well but I was attracted to him. Basically he canceled all of our plans and wanted to watch movies on his bed. Again, I wasn't dating him so it was kind of weird now that I think about it. In the end he made a move and I wasn't comfortable with it. Thankfully he backed off and took me home, but after that he broke things off with me because he said I was "too young".

When I was 21 I got lost downtown and got out of my car to ask someone for directions. Let's just say that's not a good idea. I don't think the guy that spotted me down the alley and started loping towards me had good intentions. Thank God for a police station right around the corner?

Really, this taught me that I need to be smarter about the decisions I make. I need to think through my actions and not do foolish things expecting that God will "bail me out". But I am thankful that God helped me in my naivety. I also know without a doubt that if God had allowed that abuse, he would have given me the grace to forgive that person and to still live a full life. God chose not to allow that, though.

God not only protected me from sexual abuse; he also protected my life.

When I was 4 my family was in a serious car accident that landed everyone but me in the hospital on Christmas Day. My first memory is seeing blood on my mom's face and hearing her say, "Is my baby ok" because she didn't hear me crying. Both my sisters' had broken backs, my mom needed facial reconstruction surgery, my dad was badly banged up and my brothers head was split open. I had a scratch on my cheek. The doctor's said the scratch was from my thumb scratching my cheek on impact. Honestly, I got so much candy. Best Christmas of my life.

I know there has to be like a TON more examples - things I won't even know until I get to heaven. But for now...sleep claims me. A sleep void of nightmares or strangers or dangers. A sleep fraught only with impending quizzes and projects. A sleep I'm thankful for.