A Time for Relationship Band-Aids

I hear a little girl scream and my heart leaps into my eyes as I run to find my niece, sure that she is lying dashed in some corner, broken into little pieces. I find her in her room, a toy dropped at her feet, and large crocodile tears in her eyes. "Auntie...." she cries, as she reaches for me with limp hands. She has somehow managed to reopen an old cut on her knee and she now holds her offending knee out to me gingerly, clearly hoping I can take the pain away for her. I examine it closely and see that it's irritated, but not bleeding. It'll be okay. But, like all good Auntie's, I smartly realize that before she can actually "heal" from the incident, she needs a big hug, an exciting hello kitty Band-Aid, and a lot of exclaiming about how strong she was when she got hurt. Soon, she is proudly showing her owie to anyone who will look and she goes back to playing with the same toy, clearly forgiving it for any offense it may have caused her.

That process of forgiveness is a little like the hurts that we receive in relationships. As we get closer to each other, we get wounded. It's worth it, but sometimes it hurts. For little pin-pricks, we forgive quickly. But then there are this knife wounds that almost knick an artery. Those take surgeons, such as relationship books and wise advise from people we trust to sew that back up. The antibiotics include time to heal, lots of hugs, and lots of talking it out instead of avoiding it. And then, just when you think you've gotten over it, the other person does something to re-open that wound or irritate it. And you think....why keep on living with this? But then you think.....can I live without my heart in my body?

No matter what, you know you love them. If you don't know it, then that's not the right relationship. But for me, I know it. Even though I feel hurt and like one in millions instead of one in a million (quite the fall from specialness, let me tell you), I do love him. So I forgive him. But you know, just like my niece, I just need some time. Time for hugs, some innocent fun in our relationship, and affirmations that we are good together and that the best is yet to come. I need time to put the Band-Aid on and just let it heal again and to look back and be able to smile at the Hello Kitty Band-Aid because we actually got closer because of it. The analogy ends there, though. I won't be showing my owie to anyone - except for my blog lol.

We all need forgiveness at some point in our lives. For some of us it's forgiveness every day when we're a little too mean and we realize it's not very cute after a while. And for other's of us, it's forgiveness for big bombs that we drop that shatter our loved one's view of us.

I'm just reminded that this must be how God feels when he has to teach me some things over and over. My greatest love relationship of ALL time is with my Savior, and how often do I neglect him, under-credit him, and under-cut His glory? How must that make Him feel? And yet, He forgives me. He already forgave me when He loved me enough to die for me. And that's how I want to be for Andrew. I love him enough to die to myself. So no matter how he hurts me, I already forgave him.

Stolen Moments

Tonight I had a thought that left me with a sickish feeling in my stomach. Ever have one of those? It nags and nags on you until you can finally think about something else. The thought I had tonight is - what if a lot of my cherished moments with my boyfriend are actually stolen moments from my future husband? I don't mean that Andrew and I aren't meant to be together. But I do mean, what if I am stealing future delight from Andrew by letting him do things now that generally only happen in marriage? Or, God forbid, what if my future husband is not Andrew, and I have to explain to some guy someday that our moments in marriage aren't as precious because I've already experienced them with someone else.

Somehow separation has dulled my sense of wanting to wait. Reuniting and reconnecting was so sweet. Expressing love physically seemed so natural, especially after being unable to for so long. Don't get me wrong; I'm still a virgin. But I'm not doing the best job at staying one. Since dating, it's almost like I need to remind myself EVERY day to love and protect Andrew's heart/mind and if I miss one day of reading 1 Corinthians 13, - BAM - I'm down on my butt, failing at selfless love.

I just want to be that good example for someone. I want to hold my head up during the day because of who I am at night when no one is looking. Alone, I can't do this. But with God, I know it has to be possible.