What I love about Andrew is that he doesn't need a special occasion to make me feel special. No, he's not perfect. Yes, he messes up. But he doesn't wait for an anniversary to tell me I'm beautiful. He doesn't need me to get out of my PJ's to be attracted to me. He's seen me in my ups and downs and highs and lows and his love for me is always the same.
Love is easy. And then it's hard work. And he sticks around for both. Most importantly, he doesn't expect my love to be limited to him. He understands that true love mimics the love of Christ. Who better to show us how to love? God's love in me is so strong - I just want to burst. It only makes me love Andrew more - even when he lets me down. My love for Andrew is pure. Whole. Fulfilled. Happy.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Love in a crowd
Crowds remind me how terrifying it is to be alone.
And how wonderful it is to not be alone.
In that sea of people, I look up at him and am so thankful.
I am terrified to be lost in a crowd.
But if I'm lost with him, it's okay.
Hand-in-hand, anything could happen to us,
We could go anywhere,
As long as we don't lose each other, it's okay.
I'm realizing more and more that other people will come and go.
But he is my forever.
Parents age....move away.
Sisters have children - sooo many children.
Brothers get consumed with their career - their set schedule.
Friends find it's no longer convenient to hang out.
Jobs change. Churches change. You graduate.
Now it's just him and me and God.
We make a good team.
So many goofy moments.
And yet we SERIOUSLY love.
We give up ourselves.
We fight to resolve - not to win.
We pray together.
We fail together.
We problem-solve together.
He looks into a crowd, and he finds ME.
I look across a room, and I meet HIS blue eyes.
Didn't mean to block out the whole world.
Didn't mean to get lost in the crowd
Where those that were familiar become strangers
Didn't mean to stop caring what others thought.
I just want to lie down in his arms.
Close my eyes.
Whisper.
Tease.
Defy.
Tap his nose.
Be thoroughly kissed.
Stay there warm, secure, forever.
This whole world crowds around us,
But as he grabs my hand and leads me through my fears,
I know now that the most important thing
in the world to me
is my best friend.
And how wonderful it is to not be alone.
In that sea of people, I look up at him and am so thankful.
I am terrified to be lost in a crowd.
But if I'm lost with him, it's okay.
Hand-in-hand, anything could happen to us,
We could go anywhere,
As long as we don't lose each other, it's okay.
I'm realizing more and more that other people will come and go.
But he is my forever.
Parents age....move away.
Sisters have children - sooo many children.
Brothers get consumed with their career - their set schedule.
Friends find it's no longer convenient to hang out.
Jobs change. Churches change. You graduate.
Now it's just him and me and God.
We make a good team.
So many goofy moments.
And yet we SERIOUSLY love.
We give up ourselves.
We fight to resolve - not to win.
We pray together.
We fail together.
We problem-solve together.
He looks into a crowd, and he finds ME.
I look across a room, and I meet HIS blue eyes.
Didn't mean to block out the whole world.
Didn't mean to get lost in the crowd
Where those that were familiar become strangers
Didn't mean to stop caring what others thought.
I just want to lie down in his arms.
Close my eyes.
Whisper.
Tease.
Defy.
Tap his nose.
Be thoroughly kissed.
Stay there warm, secure, forever.
This whole world crowds around us,
But as he grabs my hand and leads me through my fears,
I know now that the most important thing
in the world to me
is my best friend.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
The Age Disease
"I don't want to get older." I said this to my mom when I was four. Every year, the sentiment has remained the same. I like the year I am now. I don't want to be 5.
Isn't that how everyone feels? You cling through survival mode in your teenage years because you picture this state of perfection in your 20s. And then you hit twenty and your face clears up but the rest of you starts slowly decaying. So when did the perfection happen? Oh....wait.....it didn't.
It's disturbing to think we've all caught this disease called age.
I'm not even old. I'm actually pretty stinking young. And yet I've had a few selfish moments lately, wanting to tune out the idea of bodies breaking down....needing fixing....having arthritis in your 20s.
It's not the end. But it sure feels like the beginning of the end. It feels like this long road toward recovery. It feels like the kind of thing where a doctor will come to you later saying, "Oops. Looks like there's a complication."
I know he will do his best. I know it's out of our control. I just......you know how my sister really struggled with finding out she would have a daughter with down syndrome? It's because she never ever pictured having a daughter with disabilities. She was SO type A. How could anyone "slow" her down?
Shallowly, that's how I feel about marrying someone with a diagnosis that is the leading cause of disability in the USA. I don't love him any less. But I know he can't guarantee anything to me. He can't guarantee a successful treatment or a quick recovery. He can't guarantee there will still be a job waiting for him. He can't guarantee anything.
But even without this diagnosis, how much can either of us guarantee each other anyway? God is in control, not us. He knows. He allowed. He will carry.
This is ridiculous of course because other people have managed with the disease just fine. So I'm overreacting.
That's all we can hope for. God is not surprised by this diagnosis or this "age disease". Thankfully, this life is not our home.
Tomorrow's a new day.
Isn't that how everyone feels? You cling through survival mode in your teenage years because you picture this state of perfection in your 20s. And then you hit twenty and your face clears up but the rest of you starts slowly decaying. So when did the perfection happen? Oh....wait.....it didn't.
It's disturbing to think we've all caught this disease called age.
I'm not even old. I'm actually pretty stinking young. And yet I've had a few selfish moments lately, wanting to tune out the idea of bodies breaking down....needing fixing....having arthritis in your 20s.
It's not the end. But it sure feels like the beginning of the end. It feels like this long road toward recovery. It feels like the kind of thing where a doctor will come to you later saying, "Oops. Looks like there's a complication."
I know he will do his best. I know it's out of our control. I just......you know how my sister really struggled with finding out she would have a daughter with down syndrome? It's because she never ever pictured having a daughter with disabilities. She was SO type A. How could anyone "slow" her down?
Shallowly, that's how I feel about marrying someone with a diagnosis that is the leading cause of disability in the USA. I don't love him any less. But I know he can't guarantee anything to me. He can't guarantee a successful treatment or a quick recovery. He can't guarantee there will still be a job waiting for him. He can't guarantee anything.
But even without this diagnosis, how much can either of us guarantee each other anyway? God is in control, not us. He knows. He allowed. He will carry.
This is ridiculous of course because other people have managed with the disease just fine. So I'm overreacting.
That's all we can hope for. God is not surprised by this diagnosis or this "age disease". Thankfully, this life is not our home.
Tomorrow's a new day.
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