There's something about the end of a long day and... swing music on Pandora. Don't be so surprised. It makes me want to dance! I would totally swing dance in a sexy dress. How different can it possibly be from zumba (besides the fact that I wouldn't be wearing sweat pants and tennies haha)? :) And then....a gain commercial comes on - really?? Magical air dies.....
So my brother and I are throwing a party Monday. By we I mean me. And by party I mean 6 people. He hates people - I love them. We balance each other out. :) So far on the agenda for the party is....pizza and board games. Remember I go to a conservative college! Honestly, though, even if I wasn't hemmed in by rules and regulations, there wouldn't be beer at my party anyway. I've never started drinking and have zero desire to start. So yeah I have abolutely nothing of substance planned. Guess I'll just have to rely on my ingenious witt to entertain people. Heh.
Guess what, being positive today was HUGE. My morning started that way and it just got better all day! By night time I feel like dancing! But that may have something to do with the swing music, too. When I get married someday there's going to be dancing. Even if everyone that comes is super conservative and I'm the only one tapping out to a tune - I'll be dancing.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
It's all about Attitude
Attitude Check.
Why am I in school? To study.
Is it my school's problem that I had a crappy day? No.
Is it my school's fault that I feel out of touch with every person on campus? No. I sat out for two years and everyone graduated. It happens.
I blamed all the wrong people today.
It was a crappy day. A test, three quizzes, a negative nancy lunch, a tired mind and body. But was it because of my circumstances or because of my attitude toward my circumstances?
Attitude: Today sucked.
Fact: God made today perfect.
Fact: I often get in the way and forget to just trust God for every day things.
Fact: Even when I feel like God is far away, how can I go from his Spirit, or how can I flee from his presence? If I ascend up into the heavens, he's there. If I make my bed in hell, behold he is there. If I take the wings of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there will his hand lead me, his right hand will hold me. (adaptation from Psalms).
Fact: God allows hard things to draw me to him.
Fact: Today wasn't even hard! It was just crappy and I let it get to me.
Attitude: Facebook engagement updates are making me sick lately.
Fact: I don't need to have life 100% figured out - God works in that department, not me.
Fact: Believing the worst in people never brings out the best in people. Sometimes my poor attitudes are self-fulfilling prophecies.
Attitude: I'm not satisfied with my current relationship.
Fact: I don't need a relationship to make me happy. God IS enough.
Fact: God's clock keeps perfect time.
Fact: I DO say yes too easily to guys. I think I'm doing them a favor by saying yes initially, but really I'm hurting them in the long run because I eventually have to say no...
Fact: Life is NOT the same without girlfriends. So thankful for the close and long-distance besties who lift me up in prayer and laughter.
Attitude: I don't want to study or go to bed.
Fact: I'm an average student and an even more-average test-taker. STUDY. We don't always have the luxury of doing what we want.
Fact: Go to bed.
Some times I just need a healthy reminder. Big picture? Tomorrow is a NEW day. God made it! I'm gonna rejoice and be glad in it. It's not the circumstances, it's my attitude towards them. For every negative thing, I'll think of two positives. I'm going to be revoltingly positive you might want to stay clear. :)
Why am I in school? To study.
Is it my school's problem that I had a crappy day? No.
Is it my school's fault that I feel out of touch with every person on campus? No. I sat out for two years and everyone graduated. It happens.
I blamed all the wrong people today.
It was a crappy day. A test, three quizzes, a negative nancy lunch, a tired mind and body. But was it because of my circumstances or because of my attitude toward my circumstances?
Attitude: Today sucked.
Fact: God made today perfect.
Fact: I often get in the way and forget to just trust God for every day things.
Fact: Even when I feel like God is far away, how can I go from his Spirit, or how can I flee from his presence? If I ascend up into the heavens, he's there. If I make my bed in hell, behold he is there. If I take the wings of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there will his hand lead me, his right hand will hold me. (adaptation from Psalms).
Fact: God allows hard things to draw me to him.
Fact: Today wasn't even hard! It was just crappy and I let it get to me.
Attitude: Facebook engagement updates are making me sick lately.
Fact: I don't need to have life 100% figured out - God works in that department, not me.
Fact: Believing the worst in people never brings out the best in people. Sometimes my poor attitudes are self-fulfilling prophecies.
Attitude: I'm not satisfied with my current relationship.
Fact: I don't need a relationship to make me happy. God IS enough.
Fact: God's clock keeps perfect time.
Fact: I DO say yes too easily to guys. I think I'm doing them a favor by saying yes initially, but really I'm hurting them in the long run because I eventually have to say no...
Fact: Life is NOT the same without girlfriends. So thankful for the close and long-distance besties who lift me up in prayer and laughter.
Attitude: I don't want to study or go to bed.
Fact: I'm an average student and an even more-average test-taker. STUDY. We don't always have the luxury of doing what we want.
Fact: Go to bed.
Some times I just need a healthy reminder. Big picture? Tomorrow is a NEW day. God made it! I'm gonna rejoice and be glad in it. It's not the circumstances, it's my attitude towards them. For every negative thing, I'll think of two positives. I'm going to be revoltingly positive you might want to stay clear. :)
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Dating with A.D.D.
How do you ask the guy you're going out with if he has ADD?
I have a problem with relationships. Not only am I scared of commitment, but I tend to give all the wrong signals early in the game. I meet a guy and a couple things bother me about him, but my mother always says I shouldn't be so picky and I'm not getting any younger. Sooo I go out with him. I forget about the things that bothered me until our relationship becomes serious. Suddenly when he get's serious, those things that bothered me become all I can see and I cut things off.
A couple examples:
R was too crass.
A was too young and physical.
M was too boring.
K was too young and made everything into a joke - EVERYTHING.
F was hilarious but I wasn't attracted.
A2 was too physical and had a boring personality.
Then along comes J. He's sweet, he's so thoughtful, he's got a great sense of humor, he's attractive, he loves being around people, he's adorable, but he can't maintain eye contact. I thought maybe he was just really shy around me, but he met my brother last night and he was the same way with him. So my brother doesn't think he's shifty, but he thinks he has ADD or something. I'm devestated. I really like J. But I did notice it when we first met and I overlooked it (no pun intended) because I wanted to give him a chance. The more I got to know him the more I realized I liked a lot of other things about him. Is it fair to him if I continue to overlook it even if it bothers me? He has a hard time doing 'give and take' with conversation and I think a lot of this is because he doesn't look up when he's talking. He has beautiful blue eyes but it's like he's too shy to look up at me. I know I can be a really intimidating girl, but he's never maintained eye-contact for more than 2-3 seconds at a time. It concerns me because eye contact is so huge with communication. Can he get a good job? Will he miss out his whole life on social cues that are only given with the eyes? He's 25; he's probably not going to just 'outgrow' this....
The crazy thing is, of all the guys I've met that are full of ability and bravado, not one of them has tried sooo hard, not one of them has been sooo sweet. This guy like puts it all out there and opens the door for me and takes me to plays and nice restaurants. He's so generous and thinks nothing of himself. He breaks my heart. But I'm trying to disect this. Does he break my heart like a puppy dog would? Or is it something else? What if he DOES have ADD or something - is it wrong to like him anyway? It hurts me that other people don't see how awesome he is. I know my brother means well - and all my family will mean well. But will they immediate write him off because of this? Will they treat him like he's disabled or like I'm settling?
So how do I have this conversation with him? 'Do you have ADD?' um 'I can't go out with you anymore because you don't maintain eye contact....' Seriously....
Thoughts in the day of an average 22 year old girl....
I have a problem with relationships. Not only am I scared of commitment, but I tend to give all the wrong signals early in the game. I meet a guy and a couple things bother me about him, but my mother always says I shouldn't be so picky and I'm not getting any younger. Sooo I go out with him. I forget about the things that bothered me until our relationship becomes serious. Suddenly when he get's serious, those things that bothered me become all I can see and I cut things off.
A couple examples:
R was too crass.
A was too young and physical.
M was too boring.
K was too young and made everything into a joke - EVERYTHING.
F was hilarious but I wasn't attracted.
A2 was too physical and had a boring personality.
Then along comes J. He's sweet, he's so thoughtful, he's got a great sense of humor, he's attractive, he loves being around people, he's adorable, but he can't maintain eye contact. I thought maybe he was just really shy around me, but he met my brother last night and he was the same way with him. So my brother doesn't think he's shifty, but he thinks he has ADD or something. I'm devestated. I really like J. But I did notice it when we first met and I overlooked it (no pun intended) because I wanted to give him a chance. The more I got to know him the more I realized I liked a lot of other things about him. Is it fair to him if I continue to overlook it even if it bothers me? He has a hard time doing 'give and take' with conversation and I think a lot of this is because he doesn't look up when he's talking. He has beautiful blue eyes but it's like he's too shy to look up at me. I know I can be a really intimidating girl, but he's never maintained eye-contact for more than 2-3 seconds at a time. It concerns me because eye contact is so huge with communication. Can he get a good job? Will he miss out his whole life on social cues that are only given with the eyes? He's 25; he's probably not going to just 'outgrow' this....
The crazy thing is, of all the guys I've met that are full of ability and bravado, not one of them has tried sooo hard, not one of them has been sooo sweet. This guy like puts it all out there and opens the door for me and takes me to plays and nice restaurants. He's so generous and thinks nothing of himself. He breaks my heart. But I'm trying to disect this. Does he break my heart like a puppy dog would? Or is it something else? What if he DOES have ADD or something - is it wrong to like him anyway? It hurts me that other people don't see how awesome he is. I know my brother means well - and all my family will mean well. But will they immediate write him off because of this? Will they treat him like he's disabled or like I'm settling?
So how do I have this conversation with him? 'Do you have ADD?' um 'I can't go out with you anymore because you don't maintain eye contact....' Seriously....
Thoughts in the day of an average 22 year old girl....
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Roommates and Opportunity Costs
So the person I share an apartment with sometimes drives me up the wall. Occasionally he'll surprise me--like how every other night he washes the dishes, or how he irons and puts the chord back, or how he doesn't chiefly smell all the time, and how he kills bugs that I don't want to kill. But then there will be those little things that just splinter under my fingernails.
Tonight, bless his heart, he broke my coffee mug. You don't know me, but I live and breathe coffee. I also wake up as late as possible every morning. So, I bought this great Starbucks coffee mug a week ago and I've been taking coffee in it to school every morning and enjoying it during my first hour of classes. It's been divine. We've really struck up a fast relationship and I'm pretty fond of my mug. WAS pretty fond of my mug. It was on the counter because it was my night to wash dishes and I was washing the other dishes first. Jon comes in and reaches for something else and knocks it to the ground. It breaks. I don't care - it happens.
But then he goes, "Oh well, it was cheap anyway."
Suddenly all my attachments to the cup come rushing up like a fountain and I want to make sure he knows how much I loved that mug!
He asks, "How much did it cost?"
I say, "$7" and he shrugs and says to put it on our list of shared expenses.
Would this grate anyone else besides me? Probably not. I did let him know that annoyed me. But what I REALLY wanted to say was that it didn't just cost $7. Verbally I was just telling him that was annoying. But mentally I was figuring up what that mug REALLY cost me.
Costs:
$2 for driving over to Starbucks (which cost gas AND opportunity cost because I could have been doing/buying other things).
I'm told I'm worth $10.50 an hour these days, so those 20 minutes I spent laboring over which mug to buy COULD have been spent earning $3.50
Decreasing marginal utility was acheived every time I sipped out of my mug, but since our time together was cut short, I had not yet reached full maximum utility. Can I put a price on utility? I think the loss of that utility would result in punitive damages in a court of law - let's give it $50.
Also, I bought that mug half-off and was so proud of my find! Who says I can find the same sale again? We can safely add $7 to the cost of the mug, knowing I will probably have to pay full-price to replace it.
Since I don't have my coffee mug for school tomorrow, I will have to buy coffee at school, which means I am paying $2.50 that I would otherwise not have spent.
So, really that mug cost me $72. So he THINKS he can just call it 'cheap' and write $7 on the expense list and then have the nerve to tell me 'Well, why don't you just wake up earlier every morning and drink your coffee before you go to school?' So you're telling me that because YOU broke my mug, I should wake up earlier???? My sleeping late is INTENSELY valuable to me. You could not pay me $10 to wake up earlier. So if we're still counting.....just kidding.
I realize I'm over dramatizing. I'm the first to forgive and the last to hold a grudge. But for just a second, since he was so quick to devalue what was important to me, I mentally let myself go to the crazy place.
If it helps clear up why he gets under my fingernails, he's my brother. So you could say there's a history there.
Tonight, bless his heart, he broke my coffee mug. You don't know me, but I live and breathe coffee. I also wake up as late as possible every morning. So, I bought this great Starbucks coffee mug a week ago and I've been taking coffee in it to school every morning and enjoying it during my first hour of classes. It's been divine. We've really struck up a fast relationship and I'm pretty fond of my mug. WAS pretty fond of my mug. It was on the counter because it was my night to wash dishes and I was washing the other dishes first. Jon comes in and reaches for something else and knocks it to the ground. It breaks. I don't care - it happens.
But then he goes, "Oh well, it was cheap anyway."
Suddenly all my attachments to the cup come rushing up like a fountain and I want to make sure he knows how much I loved that mug!
He asks, "How much did it cost?"
I say, "$7" and he shrugs and says to put it on our list of shared expenses.
Would this grate anyone else besides me? Probably not. I did let him know that annoyed me. But what I REALLY wanted to say was that it didn't just cost $7. Verbally I was just telling him that was annoying. But mentally I was figuring up what that mug REALLY cost me.
Costs:
$2 for driving over to Starbucks (which cost gas AND opportunity cost because I could have been doing/buying other things).
I'm told I'm worth $10.50 an hour these days, so those 20 minutes I spent laboring over which mug to buy COULD have been spent earning $3.50
Decreasing marginal utility was acheived every time I sipped out of my mug, but since our time together was cut short, I had not yet reached full maximum utility. Can I put a price on utility? I think the loss of that utility would result in punitive damages in a court of law - let's give it $50.
Also, I bought that mug half-off and was so proud of my find! Who says I can find the same sale again? We can safely add $7 to the cost of the mug, knowing I will probably have to pay full-price to replace it.
Since I don't have my coffee mug for school tomorrow, I will have to buy coffee at school, which means I am paying $2.50 that I would otherwise not have spent.
So, really that mug cost me $72. So he THINKS he can just call it 'cheap' and write $7 on the expense list and then have the nerve to tell me 'Well, why don't you just wake up earlier every morning and drink your coffee before you go to school?' So you're telling me that because YOU broke my mug, I should wake up earlier???? My sleeping late is INTENSELY valuable to me. You could not pay me $10 to wake up earlier. So if we're still counting.....just kidding.
I realize I'm over dramatizing. I'm the first to forgive and the last to hold a grudge. But for just a second, since he was so quick to devalue what was important to me, I mentally let myself go to the crazy place.
If it helps clear up why he gets under my fingernails, he's my brother. So you could say there's a history there.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
I hear that marriage is hard work. Not being married myself, I tend to romanticize what marriage should be like. I picture freedom from authority, late nights, steamy sex, being with my best friend, my own house, setting down roots, someone to adore me constantly, and a big fat rock on my left hand. I picture fun wedding pictures, kids some day, happiness and contentment.
But really, even though i don't mentally check myself very often on my idealistic perceptions of marriage, the reality always hit me and scares me to death when a guy starts wanting to date seriously. It was fun to go to dinner with you, and thank you for paying attention to my favorite color, but do I want to spend the rest of my LIFE with you???
It freaks me out. Some could call this commitment issues. I say that I take commitment very seriously and I don't say "yes" lightly without thought for what I'm truly agreeing to. I don't believe in divorce, which is why I'm still single....
In reality, marriage probably IS hard work. Society and those around me even in Christian circles tell me that it will be sacrifice of yourself for another, it means no more seeking other men's attention, it means you his face FOREVER, it means having sex when I don't FEEL like it, it means submitting, it may mean giving up working and being a homemaker (which is not ALL bad but I might die of boredom), it means supporting him - even when his decision SUCK, it means constantly getting closer to God so I can get closer to him, it means accepting his family, it means giving up my family, it means he respresents/reflects me (and vice versa), it means I don't own my body, it means we rely on each other financially (can he get a good job?!), it means giving up my ideals of romance and girlish dreams, it means I rely on him to keep me safe, it means accountability, it means less independance, it means disagreements and agreements to disagree...and the list goes on.
So right now, could I be married or get married? Yes. Does it terrify me? YES. Do I want to be so vulnerable to any one person? No! Do I want to reap the benefits of marriage, though? Well....yes.
I don't want to be alone, I don't want to stay single, I don't want to miss out on God's blessing, I do want to have kids, etc. I just see so many disadvantages to marriage right now. It's going to take a pretty determined guy to change my mind....
But really, even though i don't mentally check myself very often on my idealistic perceptions of marriage, the reality always hit me and scares me to death when a guy starts wanting to date seriously. It was fun to go to dinner with you, and thank you for paying attention to my favorite color, but do I want to spend the rest of my LIFE with you???
It freaks me out. Some could call this commitment issues. I say that I take commitment very seriously and I don't say "yes" lightly without thought for what I'm truly agreeing to. I don't believe in divorce, which is why I'm still single....
In reality, marriage probably IS hard work. Society and those around me even in Christian circles tell me that it will be sacrifice of yourself for another, it means no more seeking other men's attention, it means you his face FOREVER, it means having sex when I don't FEEL like it, it means submitting, it may mean giving up working and being a homemaker (which is not ALL bad but I might die of boredom), it means supporting him - even when his decision SUCK, it means constantly getting closer to God so I can get closer to him, it means accepting his family, it means giving up my family, it means he respresents/reflects me (and vice versa), it means I don't own my body, it means we rely on each other financially (can he get a good job?!), it means giving up my ideals of romance and girlish dreams, it means I rely on him to keep me safe, it means accountability, it means less independance, it means disagreements and agreements to disagree...and the list goes on.
So right now, could I be married or get married? Yes. Does it terrify me? YES. Do I want to be so vulnerable to any one person? No! Do I want to reap the benefits of marriage, though? Well....yes.
I don't want to be alone, I don't want to stay single, I don't want to miss out on God's blessing, I do want to have kids, etc. I just see so many disadvantages to marriage right now. It's going to take a pretty determined guy to change my mind....
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The Opinionated Life
Ever have a day where you are just bursting with opinions? Almost every day is like that for me. I can't say that my mind is constantly engaged in any and every subject of current debate. But I can say that where I am, I am physicaly and mentally engaged. I generally don't need to be on my phone or updating facebook when I'm in class or around people. This is because I'm not constantly wanting to be somewhere else. So if you ask me if I have an opinion on that, I either have an opinion or I can get one pretty fast.
So today I became one of THOSE people. Usually I have opinions in class, but I generally keep them to myself. This is partly out of fear that my opinion is stupid and partly out of fear that I'M stupid. But last night I had a sort of intellectual breakthrough. I was writing a paper for my media relations class and I began to write about my school and what kind of media relations I think it has in relation to my reading assignment. This came out then today in class. Suddenly, within the objective gates of political correctness, I voiced that my school's policy on having a passive media relations campaign sucked. When my school was faced with a sex-related crisis earlier this year, their policy was to stay silent. Whaaat? This literally means that everywhere I go, people think I go to a mental, rapist, conservative Christian college. There is literally NO public voice for my school on the web. Sure they have facebook and every fathomable form of media - but it's all controlled by internally generated media. Where is the student's voice? Where is the alumni? Where is the blogger and major news organizations? Where is the voice of the community? As a returning student, I value those opinions FAR more than an overwhelming amount of school-generated links about some new school program. If someone accused my organization of something, would I want to stay silent? Heck, no. I'd join the cause - I'd speak out against the problem! I would want to hear student's opinions! When you squelch those opinions and remain silence in response to accusations, you look so so guilty. What do you have to hide? Who cares if it's not politically correct or if one student doesn't get it right. Let your people talk! As it is people outside the organization are talking anyway - and it's ALL bad. By regulating free speech, the school has literally shut down all hope for positive word-of-mouth from those who truly know how great the school is; instead they feel the problem will 'go away' as long as the Christian church circles are kept happy and well-informed. The fact is, Christian circles are not deaf; they hear what the community and public think of my school. And while adults may be discerning of imbalanced public opinion, will 17 and 18 year olds?
This perspective of Christiantiy drives me nuts. Just because we're Christians doesn't mean we can hold ourselves to a lower standard when it comes to communicating with those outside of our circle. Honestly? Our alumni "circle" shrinks on a yearly basis! The student population is dropping! You really want to keep advertising and limiting yourself to your internal circle? That's like BP sending out an internal news memo after the oil spill, telling everyone the great things they're doing to improve the environment and encouraging everyone to think better thoughts about BP.
It's just frustrating because I literally see that my school offers such a great education but it is smothering itself in red tape from generations gone-by.
Guess what? Do I feel like I have to defend every Christian out there? Nope. You are going to meet people who claim to be a Christian and they don't even live by the Bible. They add to the Bible (which is why it's so easy for them to judge!) and they take away from the Bible (which is why they wrongly reason it's ok to forgive sexual abuse without considering the law!). You're going to meet all kinds of people who are good Christians and bad Christians - it's not because God is any less holy. It's because we ALL have a sin nature. Some people are just hypocrites! It doesn't change who our God is - He is still love and hope and justice and salvation. My sin means I deserve hell - God changed that story when He sent His Son to earth to die for my sins! This is why I don't feel the need to defend all Christian's - because in the end my ONLY association is with a holy God - not with an organization or a denomination. So if I were the school's president, I would literally have gotten down and joined the protesting against sexual abuse in the church myself. Because I don't support sexual abuse in the church - and neither does my school. It's a good school- it teaches great values/work ethic - and it's a solid, well-rounded education. But by remaining SILENT - guess what people assume?
I guess I'm so passionate about this one because now this organization reflects ME. It all goes back to economics - regardless of what values we hold, we all have a self-interest.
Sigh. I didn't even touch on my opinions that I contributed to Economics class today. I was going to wax eloquent on how the minimum wage discourages employers from hiring people at their true worth. Where is the incentive to hire people with disabilities when you are forced to pay every person the same fixed amount, regardless of what skills that person has to offer. So instead of hire someone at a lower amount, some people go without jobs and other people have no incentive to work harder at their job when they're paid the same amount as someone who barely works at all! Don't even get me started on our disability system - I worked in healthcare! Soooo many people made it their full-time job to try to get on disability - do you think they wanted to work at all after getting awarded? Nope. In fact time after time I met people who were ABLE to work but would lose their disability check if they went back to work or worked too many hours. So what we have is the middle-class supporting the person who CAN work at least a little bit but is afraid to jeopradize the benefit of NOT working.
Like I said, it's just flowing from me today. Is it politically incorrect? Most likely. Does everyone agree with my opinions? Of course not. Do I care? Nope.
I should probably go for a run or think about something else or I'm going to start losing my few friends! :)
So today I became one of THOSE people. Usually I have opinions in class, but I generally keep them to myself. This is partly out of fear that my opinion is stupid and partly out of fear that I'M stupid. But last night I had a sort of intellectual breakthrough. I was writing a paper for my media relations class and I began to write about my school and what kind of media relations I think it has in relation to my reading assignment. This came out then today in class. Suddenly, within the objective gates of political correctness, I voiced that my school's policy on having a passive media relations campaign sucked. When my school was faced with a sex-related crisis earlier this year, their policy was to stay silent. Whaaat? This literally means that everywhere I go, people think I go to a mental, rapist, conservative Christian college. There is literally NO public voice for my school on the web. Sure they have facebook and every fathomable form of media - but it's all controlled by internally generated media. Where is the student's voice? Where is the alumni? Where is the blogger and major news organizations? Where is the voice of the community? As a returning student, I value those opinions FAR more than an overwhelming amount of school-generated links about some new school program. If someone accused my organization of something, would I want to stay silent? Heck, no. I'd join the cause - I'd speak out against the problem! I would want to hear student's opinions! When you squelch those opinions and remain silence in response to accusations, you look so so guilty. What do you have to hide? Who cares if it's not politically correct or if one student doesn't get it right. Let your people talk! As it is people outside the organization are talking anyway - and it's ALL bad. By regulating free speech, the school has literally shut down all hope for positive word-of-mouth from those who truly know how great the school is; instead they feel the problem will 'go away' as long as the Christian church circles are kept happy and well-informed. The fact is, Christian circles are not deaf; they hear what the community and public think of my school. And while adults may be discerning of imbalanced public opinion, will 17 and 18 year olds?
This perspective of Christiantiy drives me nuts. Just because we're Christians doesn't mean we can hold ourselves to a lower standard when it comes to communicating with those outside of our circle. Honestly? Our alumni "circle" shrinks on a yearly basis! The student population is dropping! You really want to keep advertising and limiting yourself to your internal circle? That's like BP sending out an internal news memo after the oil spill, telling everyone the great things they're doing to improve the environment and encouraging everyone to think better thoughts about BP.
It's just frustrating because I literally see that my school offers such a great education but it is smothering itself in red tape from generations gone-by.
Guess what? Do I feel like I have to defend every Christian out there? Nope. You are going to meet people who claim to be a Christian and they don't even live by the Bible. They add to the Bible (which is why it's so easy for them to judge!) and they take away from the Bible (which is why they wrongly reason it's ok to forgive sexual abuse without considering the law!). You're going to meet all kinds of people who are good Christians and bad Christians - it's not because God is any less holy. It's because we ALL have a sin nature. Some people are just hypocrites! It doesn't change who our God is - He is still love and hope and justice and salvation. My sin means I deserve hell - God changed that story when He sent His Son to earth to die for my sins! This is why I don't feel the need to defend all Christian's - because in the end my ONLY association is with a holy God - not with an organization or a denomination. So if I were the school's president, I would literally have gotten down and joined the protesting against sexual abuse in the church myself. Because I don't support sexual abuse in the church - and neither does my school. It's a good school- it teaches great values/work ethic - and it's a solid, well-rounded education. But by remaining SILENT - guess what people assume?
I guess I'm so passionate about this one because now this organization reflects ME. It all goes back to economics - regardless of what values we hold, we all have a self-interest.
Sigh. I didn't even touch on my opinions that I contributed to Economics class today. I was going to wax eloquent on how the minimum wage discourages employers from hiring people at their true worth. Where is the incentive to hire people with disabilities when you are forced to pay every person the same fixed amount, regardless of what skills that person has to offer. So instead of hire someone at a lower amount, some people go without jobs and other people have no incentive to work harder at their job when they're paid the same amount as someone who barely works at all! Don't even get me started on our disability system - I worked in healthcare! Soooo many people made it their full-time job to try to get on disability - do you think they wanted to work at all after getting awarded? Nope. In fact time after time I met people who were ABLE to work but would lose their disability check if they went back to work or worked too many hours. So what we have is the middle-class supporting the person who CAN work at least a little bit but is afraid to jeopradize the benefit of NOT working.
Like I said, it's just flowing from me today. Is it politically incorrect? Most likely. Does everyone agree with my opinions? Of course not. Do I care? Nope.
I should probably go for a run or think about something else or I'm going to start losing my few friends! :)
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Non-Descript
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Busy=College Life=Sleep
This week=20 hours of work, plus full-time school, plus a social life. Me=Pooped. Today was stressful above-average. That may have had something to do with the fact that I saw a dead body before 9 a.m. Or it may be that my 24 oz. to-go mug of home-brewed morning roast coffee and hazlenut creamer just didn't fully wake me up. Too much homework? Or is it the fact that I went on a date last night and despite my fervent hints at being "exhausted", he kept me out to 10:30 p.m. playing tennis, eating frozen yogurt, and talking? Yeah, I'm spoiled.
Regardless, at the end of the day, I've lived a full day. I can tuck up the covers and know my rest is well-deserved. Except...I forgot to put my laundry in the dryer. Crap. Well, honestly at this level of exhaustion, I don't need sheets; I could fall asleep on solid wood. I certainly proved that in church tonight (oops)....
Regardless, at the end of the day, I've lived a full day. I can tuck up the covers and know my rest is well-deserved. Except...I forgot to put my laundry in the dryer. Crap. Well, honestly at this level of exhaustion, I don't need sheets; I could fall asleep on solid wood. I certainly proved that in church tonight (oops)....
Friday, September 14, 2012
Blogging Again! What I've been doing for the last 5 years....
For the past five years I've written pretty much every night. I'd get through my day and I'd make a decision - do I pillow my head and be unable to recall tomorrow what I did today - or do I write about it? So although I haven't written here, I've written. Page after page - now collecting dust in wide-ruled 10 cent notebooks in my parents attic. It has driven me and constantly made me think - wait, could I be doing more with my life? I don't live at my parents anymore. Yay - I can finally say that! I can also say that I've broken up and been broken up with. I've "dropped out" of college and gone back to college. I've been a financial counselor, a translator, a nanny, a photographer, a tutor, a barista, a billionaire - o wait, not that last one.
I can't write about the last 5 years. I like to write every night for a reason - undiagnosed short-term memory loss! But I CAN write about today. Today I bumped into an old friend - ok a really cute old classmate. He reminded me of freshman year, cutting up in class, writing lame sonnets to each other, always giving the English 103 literature teacher a different interpretation to "chew" on that he had never heard before. Nate asked me out to an artist series event but I had already agreed to go with someone else. I always wondered, how would that night have gone differently if I had just said - what the heck, you're more fun? Instead, my date accidentally took me to the men's restroom line and I ended up getting felt up that night by a guy who thought my leg was his girlfriend's leg. I think I deserve a do-over.
Anyway, eventually, he got in his circle and I got in mine and I forgot about him until last week when I ran into him while I was on a date (I tried to act like I didn't see him). Then today in a coffee shop I ran into him again, swallowed my pride, and said hey. It was like the sun rose twice today - he just brightened up my day. Then I ran across his blog tonight -- it's just as old as mine is. I forgot how good he was at writing and it inspired me. It made me think....why not share what I'm writing since I'm going to write anyways. There's really no point in hiding it - I've become sickeningly interesting with all my insights on life - it's a little selfish to keep that to myself, don't you agree? :)
Where I am now, I'm a little starved for people. Like, there are people everywhere, but then again they are just masses of PEOPLE - everywhere. When I ran into Nate tonight, I'm just positive I was too much. His energy fed off my energy and vice versa and it was like an atomic bomb of energy. I'm so used to being around people that lately in the last couple weeks I'm just WEIRD around people. I'm too excited to be their friend! I probably shouldn't be working at a funeral home.... Oh yeah, I work at a funeral home now. Relax, I work at a cubicle writing obituaries. I confess- I just started working there and I still get a little freaked out. But it's a job! Still, no late hours for this girl!!
The crazy thing with my whole mulling over friendships is that I'm totally cool with solitarity. I like my space...my independence. I almost like my plain-Jane moments with my notebook and my coffee and my old glasses. In that moment I'm free to be anything. I'm not cut from a mold or desiring the interference of society to form me into a certain trophy. But then again, I need people. When I'm with people - my world brightens! I see purpose in the world - to help others. I am thrilled to be recognized, to build relationships, and to make a difference. Some (like my brother's dumb friend) would say that's a defect - a flaw. I'd say it's who I am. I'd say that people are my life. THere is nothing sadder in my mind than wasting a day. A day filled with ONLY knowledge and education and training and money is a day lost. A day forging relationships is a day I can leave behind, confident that it's ok if it's my last.
Oh my. My brother's friend just texted me and said his new plan to woo girls is - "Look nice, smell nice, BE nice." This is the same friend that brought peach pie over tonight for movie night. I literally felt like I was selling my body in return for peach pie. To me there is nothing attractive about sweatpants and a t-shirt (which is why I wore them!). But he had already seen the movie and was just....watching me. I even called him out on it and then he spends the rest of the night texting me telling me all my flaws and how he's totally over me now.
There will always be haters. There will be those people that want you to be just like them. I say break free, don't be pottery - mold it, don't chase dreams - make dreams come true for others, don't divide your heart - multiply it.
I can't write about the last 5 years. I like to write every night for a reason - undiagnosed short-term memory loss! But I CAN write about today. Today I bumped into an old friend - ok a really cute old classmate. He reminded me of freshman year, cutting up in class, writing lame sonnets to each other, always giving the English 103 literature teacher a different interpretation to "chew" on that he had never heard before. Nate asked me out to an artist series event but I had already agreed to go with someone else. I always wondered, how would that night have gone differently if I had just said - what the heck, you're more fun? Instead, my date accidentally took me to the men's restroom line and I ended up getting felt up that night by a guy who thought my leg was his girlfriend's leg. I think I deserve a do-over.
Anyway, eventually, he got in his circle and I got in mine and I forgot about him until last week when I ran into him while I was on a date (I tried to act like I didn't see him). Then today in a coffee shop I ran into him again, swallowed my pride, and said hey. It was like the sun rose twice today - he just brightened up my day. Then I ran across his blog tonight -- it's just as old as mine is. I forgot how good he was at writing and it inspired me. It made me think....why not share what I'm writing since I'm going to write anyways. There's really no point in hiding it - I've become sickeningly interesting with all my insights on life - it's a little selfish to keep that to myself, don't you agree? :)
Where I am now, I'm a little starved for people. Like, there are people everywhere, but then again they are just masses of PEOPLE - everywhere. When I ran into Nate tonight, I'm just positive I was too much. His energy fed off my energy and vice versa and it was like an atomic bomb of energy. I'm so used to being around people that lately in the last couple weeks I'm just WEIRD around people. I'm too excited to be their friend! I probably shouldn't be working at a funeral home.... Oh yeah, I work at a funeral home now. Relax, I work at a cubicle writing obituaries. I confess- I just started working there and I still get a little freaked out. But it's a job! Still, no late hours for this girl!!
The crazy thing with my whole mulling over friendships is that I'm totally cool with solitarity. I like my space...my independence. I almost like my plain-Jane moments with my notebook and my coffee and my old glasses. In that moment I'm free to be anything. I'm not cut from a mold or desiring the interference of society to form me into a certain trophy. But then again, I need people. When I'm with people - my world brightens! I see purpose in the world - to help others. I am thrilled to be recognized, to build relationships, and to make a difference. Some (like my brother's dumb friend) would say that's a defect - a flaw. I'd say it's who I am. I'd say that people are my life. THere is nothing sadder in my mind than wasting a day. A day filled with ONLY knowledge and education and training and money is a day lost. A day forging relationships is a day I can leave behind, confident that it's ok if it's my last.
Oh my. My brother's friend just texted me and said his new plan to woo girls is - "Look nice, smell nice, BE nice." This is the same friend that brought peach pie over tonight for movie night. I literally felt like I was selling my body in return for peach pie. To me there is nothing attractive about sweatpants and a t-shirt (which is why I wore them!). But he had already seen the movie and was just....watching me. I even called him out on it and then he spends the rest of the night texting me telling me all my flaws and how he's totally over me now.
There will always be haters. There will be those people that want you to be just like them. I say break free, don't be pottery - mold it, don't chase dreams - make dreams come true for others, don't divide your heart - multiply it.
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