Time to wear a white dress

It's that time.
So many times I've said those words and it's meant different things. It's been time to grow up, time to graduate, time to get a job, time to wake up....
Never before has time held more bittersweet meaning.
Now it's time that I say goodbye to my childhood and say hello to a white dress, diamonds and a handsome husband.
Outside I'm calm. I'm planning. I'm making sure flights are arranged and final details are sewn up.
Inside, I'M TERRIFIED.
And yet as fiercely as my heart fears, it also loves. It clings to him in church. It refuses to leave him even when he drives me crazy. It makes me want to be in his arms, wrapped inside this lifetime love.
I can't tell anyone my fears. It sounds like cold feet. I can't fully explain my terror at every thing. These last few days feel so huge. It's like the biggest decision and sometimes I feel like we've known each other forever and other times it's like - who are you?
Suddenly it's time to forge through my fears. Focus on the positive - not the negative. Just BREATHE. Don't latch onto fears of the imagined and unknown. Give him a break. Just DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU.
So much to do. So much I'm supposed to focus on and think about. So much I shouldn't let bother me and so many memories I'm supposed to savor forever.
And I just want to bury my head and my high expectations under a pillow and escape everything.
I don't have to wear a tiara, dance at a ball, and marry someone who will inherit a kingdom in order to be marrying well. SHUT UP DISNEY.
I wish, I wish, I wish..... nope. It's not the time to wish upon a star. Real life is HERE. And it has more details and more dimensions than I ever dreamed possible.
My heart aches with love and sorrow. Why don't we have more friends? Why aren't more people happy for us? Is there something wrong with us? Are we a handsome couple? What if I get tired of sex but I still have to do it? Will he be a good husband? Why didn't he learn all of this before he met me? Why is he so laid back? Can't he read my mind? Shouldn't he know what I want by now? What if his parents move upstairs from us? What if we go BANKRUPT? Why is my face breaking out? Why can't we stop arguing about the dumbest things? Where am I going to put all this trash?
Outside - cool, calm, collected. Inside - manually learning how to pump oxygen through my blood.
It's terrifying to be inside the mind of a woman. ESPECIALLY A BRIDE.
I just want to throw everything in my house away and start from scratch. That would horrify him - he hates waste. I LOVE WASTE. I want to waste things every day. Best feeling EVER. Done with it? Pitch it. Ahhhhh.

All that said.... I am so blessed. Does he realize what he is getting himself into? How did I get so lucky landing a guy that is SO patient? God knows best and He's the only reason we're together. Also, I think he has a cute smile and I love pinching him in church. And I like taking walks with him and trying new things with him.

Love him. Can't live without him. Won't have to :)