Bad news pants 11/1/12

I wrote this last night but didn't have the heart to post it:

So I'm glad I put my bad news pants on tonight. The very guy that had me feeling understood and desired and excited...got a message saying he will be deployed this upcoming January and gone until September. His base also scheduled him for 16 additional training days, including November 6-8. I was going to meet him on November 6th. What. on. earth. The timing....

Sucks.

I was literally 5 days from totally breaking every rule in the book with him. Probably a good thing that he can't come then. But so crazy sad.

It really taught me to keep my standards high, though. I think I deserve a life with a guy who thinks I'm adorable and funny and beautiful. I deserve a relationship that's real and NOT long distance.

Ironically someone gave me a book today and it plopped out of a package onto my bed after I got his text. It was called, "God wears His own watch." God's got a sense of humor.

Basically I get to start all over again. I get to be "patient" and "wait for the right guy...again." Sucks....

Suddenly a place where I felt happy and free feels oppressive. The garlic zucchini recipe sitting on my table that I was going to make him looks like I printed that in another lifetime...but it was just this morning.

I told him he doesn't have to talk to me anymore. I get it. We both hate long distance. We sad like this awkward goodbye. There's just no point....

Guess who I'm never considering dating again? An Adam. Frought with disappointments, those Adams. Too good to be true. And yes, I did go out with another Adam in the past. My brother joked that after dating so many guys it was inevitable that I would have to start recycling names lol.

Seriously though, God, I feel like you've forsaken me. I wish I'd never talked to either Adam or gone out with Jared at the beginning of this semester. Long gone is my online phase.

I'm 22. I'm a full-time student. I'm getting OLDER. I'm exremely picky with guys. All of these are marks against me.

I don't want to be single anymore. I don't want to feel so desperately alone anymore. I don't wanna feel like I have to settle for a life without excitement.

God, I trust you, but I don't understand.