Before and After Love

I look at pictures of myself when I was single and I remember. I remember what it was like to feel like making the most of every night on the town because it might be the opportunity where I would meet him. And if I didn't meet him, oh well, I was making a ton of friends who were in the same boat. I also remember being happy "just as I was" and not "needing" a man. Still, a huge part of me was always searching. I felt like I was missing something...or someone. And yet, there was something beautiful in that hopefulness, that peace in trusting God's plan, that wild adventure because I had nothing to lose. Being single was just what I needed.

It was a beautiful phase. But I am so thankful it is a phase that is now in my past.

I can't believe I've already been dating Andrew for six months. He has made that time fly. We have become one of the sappiest couple clichés that I always swore I would never become. It's great.

And I can't help but see a different person when I look at pictures of the before and after "me": before and after I started dating Andrew.

Before

 

                                                                          After

Single, I was free to love whomever, but dating, I can love and be loved.
Single, I could have alone time whenever I pleased, but dating, I never have to feel like I'm alone.
Single, I was everywhere for everyone, but dating, I am content to be everything to one.

He adds a new depth to my life. A new perspective. A sense of belonging and wholeness.
Whole is the perfect word for it. With him, I feel whole. He mentioned the same thing about me tonight and it got me thinking about how different I am since he has come into my life. It's more like he shook my life upside down. And then flooded it. And let it dry up. And then burned it all.

My life, my person has changed so much because of his life, his person. I marvel at how crazy perfect man is for woman, how natural the bodies fit together, how his needs complement hers, how attraction works between the sexes, and how sacrifice is almost nothing when you love someone.

So for 22 years I lived not quite whole. I had a great life. I did a lot. But it feels like I was just born six months ago and I have just begun experiencing life. In giving up a little of myself, I gained my other half. I went from living in part to gaining a whole. In sacrificing my desires, I gained his desires. And the more I've given up myself for God's version of love (1 Cor. 13), the more I've learned and received selfless love.

Selfless love. That really has been my theme for the year. And God really has been teaching me, beyond what I ever imagined when I asked him to help me learn it back in January. It's amazing how he answered my prayer before I even knew to ask it. Amazing how God loved me forever before I knew what forever love was.

After our last disagreement, I truly don't feel any barriers anymore. I could spend forever with one man.